Posted in 2017, heart, Love, Wisdom

Love Quote

love-209900_960_720.jpgLove is not a commitment to be abused and misused, but love is a commitment to do what’s best for an individual.

 

 

 

Good Afternoon, I pray all is well with each and every one of you all.

 

 

Posted in 2016, fight, Goodbye, Heart, Love, Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Uncategorized

Fight the Feelings…

Fight the Fall

I can see myself falling…

in love with man….

I can’t have…..

I seem to always…

get put in this position….

Why we want what we can’t…

have?

I tell my heart to stay on guard..

because his my weakness…

It’s like diving head first…

and think later…

Why the hell you making me feel..

this way?

I love been free…

without remorse….

I’m screwed…

while you here…

I see myself loving you…

While fighting my heart…

I don’t want love here…

What happen to fun and freedom….

Did I mess up falling for you….

YES!!!

Did I FUCK UP, letting you back..

in my bed?

HELL YEA!!!!

I hate that I let my guard break once again..

When will I learn?

I’m falling and fighting myself?

I so hate…

feeling so confuse…

You cloud my judgement…

I’m over here over thinking..

and still fucked up…

I’m falling..

while fighting regret…

I regret that one last chance to go there with you..

that one last chance to put my feelings in the air..

I regret opening myself to a man who isn’t ready..

I fail to realize to not see I couldn’t control..

how my feelings would react when you walk back in..

How did I let my heart get chip…

dent…

I regret everything that has happen in the past week..

But then again I can’t say…

I really regretted it…

It was meant to happen, so I could open…

my eyes to you..

I was hoping he would open

his eyes to reality…

but as someone brought to my attention..

I fucked that up by being..

unexperienced….

What do we do when regrets seem to take over..

But at the back of your mind..

You screaming…

but words seem to betray you ..

and your emotions is taking over..

~PJ~

Not sure when I wrote it. I just know it was sometime last year. With different things I was going thru, and things other people were going thru. Just put my heart in my work and wrote.  I thought about changing some of the language, but at that point of my life. I was struggling so hope you enjoy..

Posted in 2017, Cancer, Faith, Update

Update

​With everything going on in my world…. I have thought about writing for the  past few weeks but just didn’t have it in me.  But I’m finally making myself, but pushing myself to do better. With today society, you need a place to escape to. My dad will start treatment in few weeks. I’m nervous and thankful.Deep down I know he going fight dis cancer. He got a port about week ago. Its weird having my dad ask about different things, about port. A few weeks ago we had a scare. He went to get registered for surgery day before. But EKG showed us his heart was off beating fast,so he had spent few days in prison. They got him on new meds for his heart. His truly a strong man. I been dealing with my illness best I can. I have no primary doc at the moment. Looking for a new one. Ionly had two er visit so far dis year. The hospital close to my parents I hate. They feel if your counts good they won’t do anything for you. I have lost faith in the medical field. You suppose help us and not judge us. Then when we die in your care are lack of. You don’t give a damn. I had got really sick back in October. I w as going back and forth to er. Retic was high, but counts OK. Oh you making new blood cells. Which was damn lie. Last time I had went, they did t recheck counts. Few days later. I w as in full blown crisis and couldnt walk, so thankful I had a good doc working and on my team. Now a days I try and tough it out, and yes I knoe that’s not good. Anyways away from that. A new year and January is almost out. Wow.  I hope each and everyone of you is well.. I will have another update soon. So much say and do. I need get with it. I’m trying go back school and finish my last year. Anything that keep me thinking and not stress about what’s going on around me. When will stop habiting and judging and just love? So much hate going on around us. I believe I’ll end my post here. I pray everyone is well. God Bless.

Posted in 2016, Death, family, Friends, God, Life Lessons, prayer, Prayers, Praying, Thoughts, Thoughts!!!!

Heartbroken

Hello World,
Hope everyone of you doing good. Today I receive bad news. I’m not good on grieving.  The world is crazy place. I don’t watch the news anymore because tired of all the heartache. When will we wake the hell up and start loving?  With all the hate going on. We are failing our country. We are showing the new/next generation just how to hate. My emotions are everywhere. Yes, we all die, but to die such a gruesome way is just despicable. When will we stop letting hate drive us to sin and take someone life. I pray ya’ll are well and your love one’s know  just how much you love them. Please please hug them and say you love them. Pick up phone, call, text. From my heart to yall. I love each and everyone of you all. God Bless

Posted in 2016, heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Relatonships

Yearning

image

I’m yearning.. 
The way things used…
Be…
Its bn a minute….
Since I heard..
Your voice…
Oh how I yearn…
To have your arms…
Around me…
-sighs-
If only I could go back….
In time & fix..
My mistake….
I’m yearning….
The way you feel…
Your smell…
Just to see your gorgeous…
Smile..
I’m yearning you….
I never realize…
Just how much…
I miss you…
To it’s gone…
I find myself…
Loving your imperfection…
Oh how I yearn…
Just to know we okay…
I hate the way…
Things are…
Yearning….
For your love Is bananas…
Yearning….
3/5-6/16
~PJ~

Do enjoy.. I wrote while in hospital for the second time, will be doing a post shortly… do let me know what you think. Dedicated to my love journey.. God Bless

Posted in heart, My Love Journey, My Love Journey Thought, Relatonships

My Love Journey Thoughts..

image

With My Love Journey I have learn that in any relationship we must all learn that saying sorry will not fix everything.  We don’t know how much our words can cut someone. And to be honest I hate saying sorry it seems like I’m weak and I know deep down It doesn’t. Some say it just to say it. But I’m the type of person who says it and mean it from deep down. We must know when to say it and what it truly means to say you sorry. Everyone isn’t going take heed to apology because we don’t know what they done went thru in previous relationships. I don’t like people saying sorry when it comes to me, because they tend to mess up again. I guess y’all can see where I’m coming from with dis post. So let’s just be cautious with what we say to the ones we love .

Posted in 2016, heart, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey

My Love Journey Thoughts..

image

When dealing with love on my journey and coming across someone who tend to want to use you for all the good you worth. Some times it seems were the light that they need to survive, to get them out there hell  hole. Is love taking all the hell they put you through just to show them. I love you, I’m here for you. I ask myself dis question constantly, because it seem like I may have something prove. Do we stay because we gave them our word that we wouldn’t  hurt them. Some even play on our guilty conscious when we fed up and ready to walk. The control a user can have is banana’s.

I decided to add thoughts towards the end of it so I won’t get confused.  When I’m feeling much better.. hoping start the other My Love Journey post again. Till next time. God Bless

Posted in 2016, Journey, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, My Love Journey Thought

My Love Journey Thoughts…

image

On dis journey I have come across loving a man that was so broken that it took all of me to get his armour  down. I have come to understand some or just for a season to heal so we can learn a lesson or two. I’m not going lie I made the mistake and fell a few times and got burn.  I also have learn that some are out to use what you have to give.  My Journey with love has been very bumpy.

Posted in 2016, heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Pray

In my Feelings….

Im in my darn feelings…
But it’s time for me to come
To my freaking sense..
bump the past…
On to the next…
The past is the past for a reason….
I’m thanking God the year is almost
Over…
To be able to leave my mishaps and
Heartbreak in 2015.
Seems like a good idea,
But I know it’s going to haunt
Me and in the following year.
I just pray I’m strong to not go
Back…..
I messed up.
I got carry away once I slipped
Into my freaking feelings ..
My heart

12/12/15
~PJ~

I have bn writing, just havent had the time to post due to health and holidays, do hope you all enjoy. dedicated to my love journey do enjoy. God bless;)

Posted in 2016, heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry

In my Feelings….

Im in my darn feelings…
But it’s time for me to come
To my freaking sense..
bump the past…
On to the next…
The past is the past for a reason….
I’m thanking God the year is almost
Over…
To be able to leave my mishaps and
Heartbreak in 2015.
Seems like a good idea,
But I know it’s going to haunt
Me and in the following year.
I just pray I’m strong to not go
Back…..
I messed up.
I got carry away once I slipped
Into my freaking feelings ..
My heart

12/12/15

I have bn writing, just havent had the time to post due to health and holidays, do hope you all enjoy. dedicated to my love journey do enjoy. God bless;)