Posted in 2020, fight, Love, My Journey, My Life, My Love Journey, poem, Poetry, Relatonships

Never Knew

I never knew how deep my love.
Could be for another man
Its crazy cause after the last
I was done with fuckery and
Knew damn well my heart couldn’t
Be touch again after shutting down
After my last mistake
That really took me back to the old
Me.
Cold-hearted
But you..
What can I say..
Our first interaction was EPIC!!!
Till this day I can’t get it out my head.
Damn a TAURUS at that
That should have been a warning
But im stubborn and warnings is
Like a GO for me.
I can name other reasons
But what’s the point.
I love how you became a person
I could count on without me realizing it
I love how you sneak your way in
Without me knowing I cared for you
I love you for many reasons
For staying when you should have a walk
From get-go
For fighting for me as you say.
I plead 5 on that.
But I give it to you.
Never thought I’ll meet someone worth
Fighting for
Im selfish
I want you to myself
But I can’t have you to myself

3.24.20

~PJ~

Do enjoy and let me know what you think. Going to add it to My Love Journey. God Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, Love, Love Journey, Love Lesson, Relatonships

Love Lesson

What a powerful message. I wanted to take it back and just share a love lesson. Were so quick jump in a relationship just as well as jump out of it without fighting for it. We have lost how to communicate with our other half. When to love and when to throw in the towel have become the new norm. We have stopped trying to fix us and started moving to the next person.

When do you decide to fight? And when do you just walk away? Is love worth all the ups and downs? In my opinion, I believe it’s worth it.

If you can see the image, do let me know. For some odd reason, they not showing on my end.

Posted in 2019, chronic illness, fight, God, Health, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Welcome to My World. I made it a year without admissions. When you know your body, you know your limit. I tried so many times to push myself so I could make it to the little lady party the following day on 18. It was strange getting admitted when the dr. on the floor told me and not the E.R doctor or nurse. I wasn’t crazy about having to deal with E.R doctor, to be honest, we don’t have a good past. He did give me the wrong meds before. Thankful it wasn’t my time to leave here. After coming in and talking to me. Idk what kind of meds he was trying to give me. It’s something they give preg woman. Didn’t touch my pain but was trying to put me sleep. Different Things we go thru when dealing with people in the medical field makes you wonder how they got a degree. I didn’t have my usual nurses I usually deal with so having one got in E.R wasn’t umm pleasant. Getting on the floor was a different story. I was glad to be on first-floor just not crazy about the room I was in. I didn’t like how the doctor did my meds because the pain wasn’t been touch and had to practice my breathing to get thru the night and the next day till the doctor came to see me. When they see your counts still dropping they want to move and so right by you. Didn’t have the doctor I was used to having when all they have do is look at my file. Makes you wonder why they make stuff harder? My counts were 7.4 when I arrive, retic was 9 and hematocrit was low as 20.3 and the next day it was even lower in 17 and I was 6 in my counts. So who was looking at blood transfusion that they haven’t had in over a year or more? Believe or more. I got cross and type but had to wait till my blood was found since I have antibodies. Took it a few days which was a surprise. What was a bigger surprise I was itching the whole time during the first unit? We had space the other unit out. The same thing happens to that and they stopped it. I never had that happen before. So they wanted to clean up the mistake and I’m still waiting to hear what happen. I have 3 doctor appointments coming up. So I’ll find out if anything happens are not. If you wondering if I got medicine to prevent itching and answer is yes. Always have to get it, so I won’t have a reaction. Just this time around it didn’t work. I even got steroid meds for the second unit and still the same reaction. I wasn’t crazy about steroids but hey whatever helps. One does of steroids can’t make me gain weight. Lol. The one unit brought my count up to 7.3 and it drops till 7 the next day. I didn’t want to be there for my birthday, so was glad to get a discharge. I hate that haven’t been as active in the blogging world but still taking it easy. I did t know my counts was that low when I went in. You think it’s a small thing and it can be a major thing. Does make me slow it down some and take care of myself. It’s hard to do that and grieve at the same time. It’s hard to deal with sickle cell and remember not to get to happy are excited or whatever. It’s possible it can kick a crisis in. So thankful for all the kind comments and prayers. God sends the right people in your life. You never know who you need and why, but it’s truly a blessing to have. Pray all is well with each and every one of you all. I plan on doing a post with doctor visits. I know one doctor I’m meeting for the first time. Hope it goes well. Hate new doctors and starting over. Sighs. Do anyone else feel that way? Ok, maybe not hate it dislike. Who knows I may just hate change. Lol until next time stay bless.

Posted in 2019, dreams, Encouragement, fight, knowledge, Wisdom, word of encouragement

Word Of Encouragement

May the measuring hours, minutes & seconds of this day bring you directly into the circumference of divine destiny. May angels on assignment execute a hostile take over and retrieve ALL that belongs to you and return it expeditiously into your possession! I speak to the dead dreams that you gave up on and I call them to be exhumed, extricated & extracted from the place of “throwing in the towel.”

~ This is, Due Season!
⚖️

Good Afternoon, I pray all is well with each and every one of you all. And message speaks to someone heart/soul. God Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, Focus, Love, Love Journey, poem, Poetry, Relatonships, survivor

I’m Back

You took a lot from me
Look where I’m at.
I had to fight to get here.
I had to overcome my
Demons.
I didn’t realize how broke
I was.
I was living but not really
Living.
I was dead inside
Trying to come back
You never realize the
Damage.
Till it done.
All my warnings
Went out window.
I thought I was in love
But you just wanted another
Notch under your belt.
You may have broken me
I’m a survivor.
Overcame my demons
And won
I’m back and better than ever.

5.8.19

~PJ~

No matter who you are, we can get taken and played. It’s how you return to the top that define you. Don’t let your mistakes stop you. Dedicated to love journey. Do Enjoy! God Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, Heart, poem, Poetry, Strength, strong

Staying Away

I’m staying away.
I refuse to hear any bad news
My heart
Can’t seem to grip reality
I know I need to be strong
But my body won’t let me
I gotta stay away.
My heart can’t take bad news.
I’m believing you
Going to make it
Your strong woman.
You won’t give up.
I can’t see you in that bed.
So many times i
Wanted to pick up the phone
And hear your voice.
Always had some kind
Of excuse not call.
I wish I had called more.
Came around more.
I just know
You coming home soon
I’m sorry.
I didn’t do right by you.

5.7.19

~PJ~

I wrote this a few hours before got the news she passed away. Still, so hard believe she truly gone. God Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, God, Love, poem, Poetry, prayer, Strength

Fighting to Live

You fighting to live
Only God got last say so.
The doctor didn’t think
You’ll ever open your eyes.
My God
Is amazing
No love
Greater then his
You a winner
Don’t stop fighting.
Prayer warriors.
Stand around and behind you.
You may have got hit with a stroke
And blood on the brain
My God
My God
My God
Is a healer.
Yes, he is.
He was in the room watching over you.
Through surgery
Nobody but God.
You a fighter
In a fight, of your life.
Just keep fighting
And beating odds.

5.5.19

~PJ~
I haven’t been all here to blog. A week ago wrote a poem called Dear God, this is the continuing piece, update whatever you want to call it. Do enjoy. God Bless

Posted in 2019, chronic illness, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia

Join My Fight

Trying to make you mine
Want you on my team
I need justices
Are you going to help me
I’m trying to live my life
But nobody seems to want
Help me
We need justices
The systems not for us
All I’m doing is, trying to live my life
So my question
Are you going to help me
Too many dying at home
Cause we not been treated right
When we come in
I need you on my team
I want to live.
You my choice
Please don’t let me down
I want to live
I heard you the one
That fight for us
I want to live
Can you be on my team

4.19.19

~PJ~
Day 22. It’s been a while since I did update on some of the stuff we, meaning other sickle cell patients go thru. It breaks my heart, read some of the treatment others get. Since changing my diet, my treatment has changed. It has got better, but at times I worry if I get the proper care I need when I go into E.R. anywho another story for a separate post. Just in case you wondering this poem goes with my life.