Good Moning, It’s been a while since I posted. I do pray all is well with every one of you and thanks for joining me and sticking with me thru my silence. I have been struggling since losing my ole man (dad) and my illness hasn’t been the best. I have been out and in about every month and sometimes twice in some months. I must admit surprised I haven’t given up yet. I have been writing a little here and there. I have been thinking about coming back and every time I do I never know how to start my post. seems every time I say I’m coming back it’s an update and then something happens. Life is funny like that, to be honest. The last hospital visit was a week and two days. it’s funny because I was doing good without going to the hospital or been putting in. My third month showed me doesn’t matter how you take care of yourself. Sickle Cell wins. I can take meds and do stuff like I’m supposed and still it wrecks my life without remorse. I haven’t had the chance to take my trip since June which was for my bday month before. I suppose life is funny that way. Covid doesn’t help much either. I must say I’m glad I haven’t and pray I never get it. My thoughts or everywhere. I do pray all is well with every one of you. As of right now the doctors and I or working on a way that I can stay put in the hospital. I have a home nurse that will come out to see me if I need her. It’s crazy how life slows you down when all you want to do is run away and don’t look back. It’s a holiday and my ole man’s birthday is this month. Lord, I miss him so damn much. It still feels fresh and it’ll be three years on the worse month possible. A hint: I hate Father’s Day, hell the whole damn month. Grief is a hella pain. The memories aren’t the same. I can’t hug a memory. I can’t pick up the phone and call just to hear their voice one more time. At this moment, not feeling my best. the weather is getting cold so that could be the reason. I and my body have a love and hate for it.
Questions for ya’ll. How do ya’ll handle grief? I havent fully grieve because of making myself sick. I grieve a little each time im in my hospital. Might as well since Im already sick. I honestly dont want to hear its going to get better. I dont beliee that. I have some people who lost there father longer then I have and they still grieving. Do let me know what ya’ll have done to make it little easier. Many Blessings till next time. I pray its not months later.
Poets Afterthought 
Good Morning! Sorry to hear you have spent so much time in the hospital. One thing that I admire about you, is you have not given up, despite the struggle. I lost my mother suddenly in a car accident, when I was age 9. Grieving was not allowed in my home and the grief bubbled under the surface for many, many years. I was often very sad. One day when I was the same age of my mother, at her death, I had an accident with a man who was on a motorcycle, speeding, on alcohol, marijuana and cocaine. He was on the ground, unconscious, and I immediately flashed back to seeing my mother in the same state. I went back to age 9. I had post traumatic stress and could not sleep. (The man lived.) I had a difficult time coping. I went to a prayer ministry that did deliverance. I got delivered from an evil spirit of grief that entered me at age 9. I forgave the drunk that had caused the car accident and my mother’s death. I had immediate relief from all the sleepless nights and torment. After that I meditated on certain scripture promises that spoke of how I was loved by God, how he was with me, and how I would be reunited with my mother in heaven. I had to change the way I thought. It has been a number of years and I have not had this deep grief any longer.
May you be delivered from grief and be able to savor life. In the name of Jesus, sickle cell anemia leave her and let her enjoy life. May the God of all comfort, hold you in his arms and comfort you.
Love and prayers❤️. ❤️❤️
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Good Morning, it’s always a pleasure to hear from you. Thank you for the prayers and feedback. Sorry about your mother. Glad to hear you don’t have that grief anymore. I hope and pray I can get there like you have. So many times I wanted to give up when it comes to my health, but I keep pushing and kicking. Every day is a struggle to keep going. I know grief is hurting me to a point and I need to go ahead and cry it out. I don’t know how to do that right now. I pray all is well with you and your. Many Blessings..
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I spent 2 years grieving the death of my mom. I was a mess. Took a long leave of absence from work. So I’m not the one to ask about how to grieve properly. We’re all different. Just one day at a time is all I can offer as far as advice. I wa told it gets easier. I didn’t believe that, but yeah, time helps. I still miss my mom and think about her all the time but now I can do that without tears and the pain lessens
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Thank You for taking the time to read my thoughts and your response. Time helps? its rough and I really hope it’s true. the pain is so strong. I’m a daddy girl so it’s really killing me. I lost myself along the way. So that doesn’t help. All I can do is take one day at a time. Hope all is well with you and be Blessed.
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🙏💙
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