Posted in 2019, Encouragement, knowledge, Uncategorized

Word of Encouragment

You are amazing and don’t you forget that💙

Good Afternoon, God is truly good all the time. Pray message speaks to someone soul/heart. God Bless

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Posted in 2019, God, knowledge, life advice, Uncategorized

Life Advice

Nothing changes until you say, “#Enough is #Enough! #REFUSE to die with God’s name in your mouth!” Don’t be the one whose destiny, greatness and calling die WITHIN.

Good Morning, God is good and pray message speaks to someone heart/soul. God Bless

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Living With Sickle Cell Disease

Hey and welcome to my world. As of lately, I haven’t been feeling good. I couldn’t use my right hand to do much of anything. Feeling a little better today. I had to make E.R trip Sunday because I was hurting so bad and right hand is and was swollen. I had to debate with myself if I wanted to go. The crisis started late Saturday night, I knew I didn’t want to go that night and be stuck with a lozy doctor with no bedside manners. I know I shared some of my experience with you all in the past. I was worry I would have the same problem as Sunday rolled around. I finally made up my mind go before it got worse. The wait was prob over an hour it was a busy day. Got triage out the way. I did t like the doctor who name was on my band. He was the same doctor that gave me med I’m an allergy to and can kill me. The doctor never wants to listen to the patient. I got a woman doctor who I had when been admitted on the floor. She now works in E.R. Before go into more information on my experience. I have bn going cold turkey without my pain meds. Haven’t had it since June but did have E.R visit last month. So I made sure let her know that. She wanted to just give me fluids and oxygen see if that helps. Red flag, if I could handle my pain at home I wouldn’t be made E.R visit. So I was in pain for over an hour before got med. Thankful counts were looking oh do good, but at the same time I know just because of counts show good report doesn’t mean anything. She was like what should we do. She caught me off guard with that question. I have never got asked that question from a doctor at that hospital. I was like is she pulling my finger she can’t be serious. She was like we going to give you some meds so you can think about it. She even asks what I take. I’m like yea this got me a joke. But she was serious. I decided to go home because I could go to my sickle cell doctor and pick up my prescription. She gave me a look because she knew I was in pain still. And sometimes I do end up returning back to E.R. she gave me three bags of fluids before she discharged me. Sometimes you have been strong when you don’t want to be. Don’t get me wrong I was getting frustrated because of my pain. I wanted to cry and scream but I know to do all that would make it worse. I did have some good nurses that night. And woman got my port on the first try, when I went last month, they had a hard time. I had request a nurse who never miss doing my port. When you hurting, you don’t want to hurt even more. I did pick up on the doctor I don’t like voice and was glad I didn’t have a deal with him. God is good all the time. I did get a chance to see my favorite doctor who got me last time. I wasn’t on his side and he was like she is good. He always let me know what’s up with nurses and doctors. I can talk to him like a friend. Both hospital visits were not so bad. I have started taking my Endari meds again, so I’m taking that’s helping with my counts. My retic was high. I usually get sick and have been admitted in October. Still not 100 percent. I have post and blog when I’m feeling ok to pick up. My hand is still swollen, it’s going all the way up to my shoulder blade, to be honest. I pray all is well with each and every one of you all who read my post. And thank you for the prayers, I can never have enough. God Bless.

Posted in 2016, fight, Goodbye, Heart, Love, Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Uncategorized

Fight the Feelings…

Fight the Fall

I can see myself falling…

in love with man….

I can’t have…..

I seem to always…

get put in this position….

Why we want what we can’t…

have?

I tell my heart to stay on guard..

because his my weakness…

It’s like diving head first…

and think later…

Why the hell you making me feel..

this way?

I love been free…

without remorse….

I’m screwed…

while you here…

I see myself loving you…

While fighting my heart…

I don’t want love here…

What happen to fun and freedom….

Did I mess up falling for you….

YES!!!

Did I FUCK UP, letting you back..

in my bed?

HELL YEA!!!!

I hate that I let my guard break once again..

When will I learn?

I’m falling and fighting myself?

I so hate…

feeling so confuse…

You cloud my judgement…

I’m over here over thinking..

and still fucked up…

I’m falling..

while fighting regret…

I regret that one last chance to go there with you..

that one last chance to put my feelings in the air..

I regret opening myself to a man who isn’t ready..

I fail to realize to not see I couldn’t control..

how my feelings would react when you walk back in..

How did I let my heart get chip…

dent…

I regret everything that has happen in the past week..

But then again I can’t say…

I really regretted it…

It was meant to happen, so I could open…

my eyes to you..

I was hoping he would open

his eyes to reality…

but as someone brought to my attention..

I fucked that up by being..

unexperienced….

What do we do when regrets seem to take over..

But at the back of your mind..

You screaming…

but words seem to betray you ..

and your emotions is taking over..

~PJ~

Not sure when I wrote it. I just know it was sometime last year. With different things I was going thru, and things other people were going thru. Just put my heart in my work and wrote.  I thought about changing some of the language, but at that point of my life. I was struggling so hope you enjoy..

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Update 


Hey Blog World,
I know it been awhile since I last post..I being debating on if I was coming back.i see the lovely comments and likes as well prayers from different one’s. In all honesty. I haven’t wrote much, but I know I need 2. I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all. If you celebrate Labor Day, please be careful and safe..Today world we live in, is getting crazy. I haven’t be admitted since June, God is good. I had a few e.r visit. I done had my meds up that suppose help me. It’s been making me sick, I was breaking out in hives, and gaining weight..it wasn’t helping me with my crisis, so I stop them a few weeks ago. I being thinking about returning for awhile, but poetry will be on hold since i haven’t being bitten in awhile. This month is sickle cell awareness, you may see some post I done shared before.i do have a few poems about my illness that I haven’t shared with you all so may see that as well. Lately we have been getting a lot of rain since the storm Hermine. .I love rain, long as I’m not caught in it. I hope everyone is safe from storms if they coming your way. 

Posted in 2015, AWARENESS, Bless, God, Journey, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Uncategorized, Update

Update

Good Morning,

 

Will be short post, since its Christmas. I posted the last update late. I don’t know what happen. I guess it had bn awhile since I posted that I forgot to take it off draft and hit publish.. lol.  I had some what okay doctor appointment. I got put on more meds. So not happy about that. I got back in Feb, before I leave in March so that’s good. They up my dose on one of my meds. I already know how dis going to go. Lets just say I’m not happy:( . I bn dealing with headaches for like 3 days, not so bad today. I’m listening to music as I type up my post. So that’s helping. I’m loving the weather we having here in the South. Not cold whatsoever. I hope everyone having a lovely Christmas. I don’t believe I ever had a warm Christmas, but I’m so not complaining. Even with the rain. I’m not crazy about the rain because it makes my body aches and can interfere with my illness, but I do love rain. SO love and hate relationship. We trying to see about not depending on pain meds, I like the way that sound. Because I’m bad about going cold turkey a lot, but that could be reason why I be in and out hospital because I do that a lot. Sometime you just want to enjoy life and not be drug up. Just my opinion .  Sorry it took so long to do my updates, with everything going on, with health and holidays. I probably wont post anymore 2 New Year. So I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New years one more time. God bless :). If I forgot anything in the update, will edit later on. I need some sleep. Music do put my mind at ease.  Thank You all for sticking with me on dis bumping ride I call life.

Posted in Uncategorized

How Often

How Often,

wanted to share it with you all one more time. Do enjoy and let me know what you think.. God Bless 🙂

Poets Afterthought

Can I give my heart to someone?

When my love is already promise to a man of my dreams?

How Often?

Can I love but feel dead inside?

As often as my soul is dying slowly…

How Often?

Can we have something…

Moving but not really moving?

Can I give my heart to someone who in need of a beat or two?

Can I move something in them?

Dead for so long…

How Often?

Will my words touch  you?

And you still not move to what Im saying?

That saying Miss it when its gone…

A Low blow to my heart…

SO..

How Often?

Can U love….

but not really feel?

How long must I suffer?

As Often as you allow

my love to penetrate…

Often as you allow

me to waltz right in…

Often as u Mourn

the last brokenheart..

As Often as…

U beat to my heart…

How…

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When Will We

SO MANY PEOPLE DYING LEFT AND RIGHT. I HAD TO SHARE ONE MORE TIME. DO ENJOY.. GOD BLESS 🙂

Poets Afterthought

TAKE BAK OUR LIVES FROM DA DEVIL….

WHEN WILL WE WAKE UP….

AND LIVE FOR GOD?

WHEN WILL WE SEE WHAT WE DOING?

WHEN WILL U LOOK UNTO UR LOVE

ONE’S THAT CARE N PRAY FOR YOU?

WHEN WILL U SEE WHAT DA DEVIL IS DOIN?

WHEN WILL WE?

PRAY?

AND MEAN IT?

WHEN WILL WE…

GIVE GOD THE GLORY?

WHEN WILL WE LET THE DEVIL KNOW…

HE IS NOT OUR MASTER?

WHEN WILL WE TAKE HIS LOVE SERIOUS?

WHEN WILL WE STOP FIGHTN OUR CREATOR?

WHEN WILL WE LEARN TO LOVE OURSELF..

THEN ONE ANOTHER..

WHEN WILL WE…..

RUN FROM HIM AND TO OUR LORD?

WHEN WILL WE TURN FROM THE DEVIL?

PLZ DO IT B4 ITS TO LATE…

U DONT WANT TO LOOK UR LOVE ONE’S

IN THE EYES AND REGRET.. I COULDA SAVE THEM…

WHEN WILL WE STOP BN TO BUSY…

TO MAKE TIME FOR OUR LOVE…

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Against All Odds

Oldie but goodie… Against All Odds

Poets Afterthought

I learn to fight
I shed tears, question
Myself if I was meant for
These journey with Warriors
Against All Odds.
God showed me just how..
Strong I was to be Warrior..
He knew what he was doing
When he created me
Against All Odds .
I showed strength, when I wanted
To give up
God showed me love…
In the midst of storm
He showed me I’m nothing
Without him..
Reminded me to hold on to
Faith…
Against All Odds..
4/18/14
PJ

Dedicated to my journey of life. No matter what you going thru his right there in the midst! Don’t stop fighting/ believing in him..No matter my odds, God had everything in control… Not sure if I’m happy with this piece, do let me know what you think 🙂

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My Pain

Poem that’s dedicated to my illness, wanted to share it once again… God Bless 🙂

Poets Afterthought

My pain,

you can’t see

Do they not

understand,

I hurt in

the same way?

Why must I suffer

because of stupidity

I know they thinking

nothing wrong, she

here for the meds.

The pain

I have, they should

walk a mile

in my shoes

Are we not the

same?

Look pass my outer

Laying here

tossing & turning

Praying

The pain

I have is driving me

crazy

Do they not understand

I hate this place

Don’t I tense up

every time a needle

is mention.

I know they got

to be tired of seen me

trust it goes both ways.

My pain

they don’t understand

nor believes.

Oh your blood count is good

and everything else is fine

Lets send her home.

I swear they love seen

me coming back

to this EVIL PLACE

I wish they could

understand and treat me

with RESPECT..

GOD

I know you in…

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