Posted in 2019, emotions, Health, Heart, Journey, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetry

In A Crisis

My heart beating to so many emotions
I’m trying to figure if I should stay
Or go
I’m in crisis
My body betraying me
I’m losing the battle
Within myself
It out of control
I can’t come to terms with my emotions
I’m in crisis
And my frustration is at breaking point
I’m losing control
The old me returning
I’m struggling in crisis.
I’m in need of deliverance
I’m in crisis
Crying out
For help
I can’t take it any longer.
I’m in crisis
My head spinning
I’m losing control
Can you hear me?
Do you see me?
I’m losing control
My body betraying me
My emotions
Done destroyed me
I’m out of control
Yo
I’m in crisis
Can you help me?

11.8.19

~PJ~
This poem is dedicated to my life. Do enjoy and let me know what y’all think. God Bless

Posted in 2019, Heart, knowledge, life, Lord, Love, prayer

Life Advice

Today Lord put creative ideas in my HEAD, keep real love flowing in my HEART, place great opportunities in my HANDS, and set genuine people in my LIFE.

Good Morning, God is truly good all the time. I pray message speaks to someone and everyone has a good Saturday. Stay cool and if you have rain do stay dry. God Bless

Posted in 2019, God, Heart, Love, poem, Poetic, Poetry

Patient

Me Praying God this man doesn’t make a fool of me.
Asking God spare my heart just in case
Telling my future self love is worthy
I’m more than enough
Encouraging my sister’s self-love the way to go.
Never losing ourself to someone who never saw our worth.
Taking time see what’s right in front of us.

7.22.19

~PJ~

I know still have an update to do, but got encourage to write short poem. Do enjoy and God Bless

Posted in AWARENESS, chronic illness, God, Health, Heart, June 19, knowledge, life, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

World Sickle Cell Awareness Day

Today is Sickle Cell Awareness Day. I know I have mentioned it so many times on my blog and the different things I go through with dealing with this disease. Lately, all I see on Facebook is how they are getting treated. Some of yall may have never heard of the disease. Well, today is the day I explain what it is. If you want to know more keep following me on my journey and google as well. I never thought people would care about what I go through.

Whats sickle cell anemia.
It’s an awful hereditary blood disease. You can be fine one minute and the next you not. Years ago we didn’t see the age of thirty. Wow what a mighty God we serve, some may not see that age today and some are seen age all the way up to there 80s. When in crisis is turns your blood into crescent making it unbelievable to move because of oxygen not reaching that area. Normal blood cells look like doughnuts. Let’s be real for a second this is a dangerous disease it affects all your organs. Since its heredity disease. It can affect all your kids are just one or two. My parent had five of us, only two of us was diagnosed with this disease and the rest trait. They didn’t start testing babies to till the late 80s. For some many years, I was told and so many around us that sickle cell was a black disease, I believe it to join sickle cell groups on facebook. Wow, the many faces behind this evil disease showed me the truth. Since 2008 they have recognized sickle cell as a global public health priority in order to raise awareness to sickle cell. With that been said its still not much awareness. So many people still don’t know what sickle cell is. I hope by joining my journey it opens someone eyes and hearts up.

Posted in 2019, AWARENESS, chronic illness, Health, Heart, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Hello, and Welcome back to my world. What a day I had. What I hate about doctor offices is to wait. I did mention had an appointment both days. Let’s just say Monday was a waste of time and gas. They went prepared for my arrival and didn’t want to see me because they didn’t have paperwork from the hospital, which I didn’t understand. You knew about for over two weeks. Always away from that. I arrive on time for both appointments. They did apologize but still, I was not happy. You are my primary doctor so it wouldn’t kill you to finally see me in person. Nope, I see my other doctors more then I see primary. Haven’t even met her yet. Yea something wrong with that pic big time. My sickle cell doctor was the most important for me to see. I had called in the week before explaining to them what had happened when I was in the hospital. I wanted blood work and wanted my results. She set everything up for me. Soon as the appointment was over went next door to the hospital to get labs drawn from my port. So back to my appointment, hadn’t been seen since Feb. She was like you good. I know I haven’t mentioned here before. I have changed my diet. I went keto and it has helped me a lot. Kept me out of the hospital. Lost over 60lbs. When on chemo meds for my sickle cell I had gained weight and couldn’t lose it. Then the new meds for sickle cell. It was making my head and back hurt. And I couldn’t deal so I stopped it. I had to first help myself and I have done just that. I honestly did my research for about 4/5 months before I went for it. I don’t have a gallbladder. Anywho back to my appointment.she check my heart and says sounds good. She asks me about meds she wanted me to start last time for my kidney. Told her I hadn’t started it yet. Since my body is doing overtime then a person without sickle cell. So she changes the mg since I’m smaller and started it last night. Never happy about trying a new medicine. So next visit we will see how everything looking. I’m putting it in God’s hand that everything is good and I won’t have to take it forever. I was glad I didn’t have a long wait for a tech come do my port. She was a nice woman and we talk while she did it. I always like to get to know whoever is dealing with me. I hate for my port get infected. I finally got my result around 5 and no new antibodies praise God. White counts were good. Retic little high but it’s be expected since my counts 7.6. It’s the best but it for sure not the worse. Praise God. Also, find out my bones in my back are deteriorating. It explains a lot when I’m going into crisis. Just a few days ago, I couldn’t move because I was hurting so bad. I read other sickle cell patients having the same problem. But so wasn’t expecting I had it. With so many people dying from my illness. I want to share my illness with y’all. Until next time pray everyone doing good. Stay Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, Heart, poem, Poetry, Strength, strong

Staying Away

I’m staying away.
I refuse to hear any bad news
My heart
Can’t seem to grip reality
I know I need to be strong
But my body won’t let me
I gotta stay away.
My heart can’t take bad news.
I’m believing you
Going to make it
Your strong woman.
You won’t give up.
I can’t see you in that bed.
So many times i
Wanted to pick up the phone
And hear your voice.
Always had some kind
Of excuse not call.
I wish I had called more.
Came around more.
I just know
You coming home soon
I’m sorry.
I didn’t do right by you.

5.7.19

~PJ~

I wrote this a few hours before got the news she passed away. Still, so hard believe she truly gone. God Bless

Posted in 2019, Focus, Heart, Love Journey, memories, poem, Poetry, Relatonships

Step Back

I had to step back and take a look
I got tired of being the one putting
In work for us.
I was the one picking up the phone
See how your day went.
I was the one doing the most
I had to reelevate us
I had to stop being a fool
And take my life back.
I’m not going to lie.
I think of you constantly
I wish I could hear your voice
Feel your heartbeat beating
As one
I wish you miss me as much
As I miss you.
I wish I wish I wish
I could get my wish
And you be the man for me
I done step back
And seen my worth

4.30.19

~PJ~

Day 30. Wow shared a poem every day for the whole month. May have reposted a few, but you never know what a person going through and it speaks to them. Do enjoy. God Bless.

Will feel good to step back and put my thoughts in perspective. I see a lot of writing in future.

Posted in 2019, Heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetry

To be healed

I had to wait for my heart to heal.
I had to forgive myself
I had to learn to love me again
I never realize the hell you took me
Through
I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.
I hated everything you took me through
I had to wait for my heart to heal
Boy you broke me
You destroy everything I was.
I had to learn to love me again
I had to have chat with myself
Teach myself you are worthy
I had to show myself
Who I was
That I was worthy
To be love
Boy
You showed me how strong I could be
Once reality kicked in.
I saw me returning to the strong woman
I once was.
I just had to wait
I had to learn to forgive myself
I just had to wait
To my heart heal
And I felt my worth
It was amazing
Feeling
To know my worth
To be loved
The way I loved you.
It’s an amazing feeling
To be healed

4.27.19

~PJ~Day 27. Feels good to express myself more and more after not writing for almost 2yrs. Do enjoy God Bless

Posted in 2019, Heart, Love Journey, poem, Poetry, Relatonships

Give My Heart Back

Can I have my heart back
You done abused it enough
There nothing more for you
I’m just asking for you return my heart
I can’t keep going on like this.
Feel like I’m dying a little every day
Just give me what I want
We don’t have cross pass anymore
I want my heart
NOW
Not later but
NOW
Just give me
My Heart
And disappear.
We ain’t got to act like we.
Know each other.
Just Give me what’s mine

4.25.19

~PJ~
Day 25. Something that been on my heart and mind for a while. So felt good to release my thoughts and finish it. Month almost over. Do Enjoy