The Life, Thoughts Of A Poet Living With Sickle Cell Anemia
I blog for many reasons, the love of writing, to inspire and touch someone life. No matter what I'm going through in my life. It's a get away when my SC becomes to much for me to handle. I love to get carry away in MY WORLD! I'm on a JOURNEY to discover myself. God Bless! :)
Good Moning, It’s been a while since I posted. I do pray all is well with every one of you and thanks for joining me and sticking with me thru my silence. I have been struggling since losing my ole man (dad) and my illness hasn’t been the best. I have been out and in about every month and sometimes twice in some months. I must admit surprised I haven’t given up yet. I have been writing a little here and there. I have been thinking about coming back and every time I do I never know how to start my post. seems every time I say I’m coming back it’s an update and then something happens. Life is funny like that, to be honest. The last hospital visit was a week and two days. it’s funny because I was doing good without going to the hospital or been putting in. My third month showed me doesn’t matter how you take care of yourself. Sickle Cell wins. I can take meds and do stuff like I’m supposed and still it wrecks my life without remorse. I haven’t had the chance to take my trip since June which was for my bday month before. I suppose life is funny that way. Covid doesn’t help much either. I must say I’m glad I haven’t and pray I never get it. My thoughts or everywhere. I do pray all is well with every one of you. As of right now the doctors and I or working on a way that I can stay put in the hospital. I have a home nurse that will come out to see me if I need her. It’s crazy how life slows you down when all you want to do is run away and don’t look back. It’s a holiday and my ole man’s birthday is this month. Lord, I miss him so damn much. It still feels fresh and it’ll be three years on the worse month possible. A hint: I hate Father’s Day, hell the whole damn month. Grief is a hella pain. The memories aren’t the same. I can’t hug a memory. I can’t pick up the phone and call just to hear their voice one more time. At this moment, not feeling my best. the weather is getting cold so that could be the reason. I and my body have a love and hate for it.
Questions for ya’ll. How do ya’ll handle grief? I havent fully grieve because of making myself sick. I grieve a little each time im in my hospital. Might as well since Im already sick. I honestly dont want to hear its going to get better. I dont beliee that. I have some people who lost there father longer then I have and they still grieving. Do let me know what ya’ll have done to make it little easier. Many Blessings till next time. I pray its not months later.
My healing process of losing a parent or parents is rough. I suppose it’s different if you’re not close with them or in my case a daddy girl. Please don’t ever let anyone rush you on how long you should grieve. Every day is a struggle. Some days i want to crawl back in bed and hide. I miss you from the bottom of my heart. I haven’t been the same since I got the call. Honestly i never imagine you would leave before me. The day before u died it broke my heart. I prayed to God and it went unanswered. Damn my hero isn’t here anymore. Your death has destroyed me to the point I stop living and was giving up. God put people in my life to encourage me to keep living. Today I’m taking it one day at a time until we see each other again.
Hello and welcome to my world. It’s crazy and it seems that all I have been doing lately is updating y’all on my life. I’m trying to do better. Sometimes life gets hectic and we forget certain things. I have my moment I want to shut down. I have been told I need to start writing again. I believe it’s the hurt and anger in me that’s destroying who I was. I’m a time bomb ready blow. Why not just share my thoughts and journey with y’all. I was told who knows who I may touch. You don’t realize who affects you till you hit hard there not here anymore. I have written here and there. Break down every time. Idk how to do this journey anymore. So bare with me while I walk this journey. Some days or rough days aren’t good. I even started back walking again and it’s been helping me. I didn’t realize how much I needed it. I did go back to keto to help keep me healthy and out of the hospital. My doctor’s appointment went very well. My blood pressure was good and so was my heart rate. And let me tell you, your girl took the stairs, I don’t do elevators long as I can prevent it. Well, pray everyone is well and bless. God is good all the time. Bless
Hello and Welcome to my world once again. It’s been a while and a lot has been going on. I don’t know where to start but I have been in and out of hospital almost every week. They weren’t listening to me. But I believe I’m on the right track now. I do have a check-up coming on in a few days. I truly had some good doctors that took the time to listen to me. Listen so good they made sure I was seen this week. It’s a blessing when God put the right people in your care. This month has been rough for me. I know for a fact, I’m not ready to stop living. So it’s time to fight.
I have been having trouble with my heart rate getting high for no reason. Then my blood pressure got high as heck. 175/100. I was going thru it, to be honest. I wasn’t stressed The only time I would stress is if certain people would call with nonsense about stuff I can’t do anything about it because I’m sick. It’s crazy how they want to bother you when you are down? Anyways my counts ended up dropping and had to have blood. Just thankful it didn’t take me long like a month or two ago when dropping to 5.4. God knows how to slow you down. I truly have lost my way. My faith has been shaken. I’m working on finding myself again. Meaning spiritual and emotional and physical. I’m ready to start living again. I know the last visit I had started blogging and sharing more. But it was hard to focus thru pain and meds so gave up. I may share them still but as of now not sure about them. Going to cut the post here because tomorrow is doctor appointment and hoping to share more. I pray everyone us well and safe. God Bless
Please forgive me for the visits. Let me get myself together and I catch up soon.
Hello, and Welcome to my World. As some of you may know that’s been following me for a while, the title lets y’all know I’m in the hospital. I made sure to stay this time. I’m not going to keep running back up here. My counts still holding their own. My EKG and x-rays were okay. They even decided to give me covid and flu test. It was a slow process but once they got me to the back things ran somewhat smoothly. I had a doctor from last time that I said was good to me. Hella a week. Me trying to fight thru it all. Pretend like everything is alright when all u want is to die on the inside. My counts have dropped from 8.7 to 7.4. This post was supposed to go up last night. I couldn’t keep my eyes open due to the meds. So until next time. God Bless
Good Morning, what a night, it was a hella painful night. I didn’t get a call from the back after 11. I honestly was getting ready to walk out. Once got back things were running smoothly. Had a nice doc and they got one nurse they get my port every time now. My main concern was chest pain. X-ray and EKG look good but did find out have cars on my lungs. Learn something new and she said I even went back and look at other X-rays and showed the same thing. But she was the first and only doc me. If u wondering if I stay or go home. I’m home, maybe should’ve stayed the hospital is full and I would’ve bn in ER area for a while. My left arm hurts to lift, and so is my hip. So walking man slowly. I hate moving to be honest. Seem my chest pain is coming back now. May have gone back and let them keep me. Until next time. Oh if u wondering when got discharged it was around 8 that morning. I slept a lot. God Bless
Today isn’t a good day. I have terrible chest pain and awful back pain. I’m at their E R waiting to be a call to the back. Seems I came at the wrong time since it’s hella busy. I have been triaged and they did EKG and took an x-ray of my chest. It’s a process and hates it. Still waiting for bed so I can be seen by a doctor. Praying I have a good one. I’m still waiting to be seen and I came in with chest pain. It’s almost 8 hours without being seen. I’m already annoyed to see people going back and arriving before them. It’s the bullshit that’s pissing me off. They say no beds but people are coming out and they sending people to the back. I may go home and suffer there, it’s disgusting and disrespectful to put others before me. Until next time, stay Bless..
Hello and Welcome to My World, thank you for the follows and likes. I know I have been slipping with my post and visiting. I’m trying y’all. I was sick a few weeks ago and so many times I wanted to pick my phone up and blog. Half the time I couldn’t even focus because of pain and meds. I do want y’all to see the good and bad side of my illness. But when I’m hurting so bad and sick they were staying on top of my pain. It started to get worse once they couldn’t find my blood type. Well not find it, it was stuck up in VA because of the snowstorm. My counts got low as 5.4. It’s a blessing they find blood in my state. Let me say this if you can donate blood, please do so. You are saving someone’s life. I understand if you can’t because of illness or whatever it may be. Anywho back to what I was saying. I had gone in because of chest pain and other areas hurting. Never thought they going to keep me and I be in here damn near two weeks. They started looking for my blood soon as I got in to be on the safe side because I have antibodies and so I would have to wait and looked still had a wait. I was happy with my mom was able to visit because it would’ve been my ole man and they weren’t letting people visit months ago. She said I couldn’t understand you because the meds had me out of it. I have a praying mother, I was at peace because I knew everything was going to be alright. God had me. I was hooked up to heart monitors and this and that. That should’ve told me I was sick. It’s crazy how you think it’s something minor and ends up major. I had some good nurses and some nurses I wanted to smack because she didn’t know her job. It seem like every time I would move to go to the bathroom my port needle would come out. One time did it when I wasn’t plugged into anything. The next time it did it was when I was getting blood and messing my favorite gown up. I’m not used to needles coming out my port. It let me know whoever did it, didn’t do a good job. The nurse panicking and freaking out was making my anxiety go up. She was acting crazy than I was when it was happening to me. It’s when she lost her mind and want to yell and had clear my throat and give her a look. Don’t do me know well get out of pocket when I’m sick. At end of the shift she didn’t listen to me about my ankles swelling and told the next nurse she says there swelling but threw not. Guess what my ankles swell a lot. I know my body. I am thankful I didn’t get her again. I’m glad to be out but must admit not feeling my best. Was glad to have a doc appointment today. My heart rate has been high as 131 or even higher. Usually, go to ER, next thing I know I’m put in. It was all high today and so was my blood pressure, she had to retake it after I left. I didn’t want to get admitted over there, I will be too far from home and my mom is sick with covid and can’t come to see me even if I was close. She gave me the flu swab negative and darn covid test, that be negative as well. I have wait two days because they were out of the rapid test. I have to get an x-ray tomorrow on my chest and hip. I bn dealing with back pain and when I got up my hipshot pain all way up and I was limping. I didn’t think it had been almost ten years. I’m still having some pain in my chest and back. We checking to make sure it’s not pneumonia. I didn’t want to be touched anymore today because I was hurting already. Hopefully tomorrow I will be up to another update because this is a long post. I’m going to get myself some rest until next time stay blessed and warm and safe. God bless
It’s been a while since I blog and shared much. I pray everyone made it in 2022 safely. 2021 was a rough year, still struggling with losing my dad. I haven’t been the same since he left last month was rough because of the holidays and his birthday. I must say if you still have your father in your life, do cherish them. I know we have to leave this world one day, but it’s a different hurt when there’s your rock. I had a few hospital visits due to my illness. The majority was good to visit and one wasn’t. I always think it’s funny when they try to tell me about my illness when I leave it for over thirty years. I’m going to try this blogging thing again and try to be consistent. I have been writing a lot lately just getting stuff off my mind/heart. Until next time I pray all is well and God Bless
Good Morning/Evening, I havent been feeling well for the past few days. I take it change of season. Some days I dont want to get out of bed, but hell who doesn’t have them days? On other days I just push through it and pray about it. Thats all I can do at times. I really do miss my dad. He would know what to say right now. Its another month and usually I get sick in October. But lately I been getting sick like every other month. I need to return to keto to be honest, it really helped me out . Have you every realize when you change your eating habit for the best, your body does so much better. I have slipped after losing my dad. But I must admit I’m not ready to leave this world just yet. So its time to get back on track. Another day in pain paradise. Not funny, but had to say it. When it comes to Covid, I make sure I dont go out if I dont have to. And I always wear a mask when I do step out, I care santizer and wipes. I dont do gloves because some stuff Im allergy to and same with diff mask as well. Its weird you never know what you allergy to until you stuck with having to have it around you or in your life constantly. I know I mention awhile back. I havent got the shot and I don’t plan on getting it. Im always careful and to be honestly I dont like been around people to be frank. Im more of a home body and I keep to myself. With this virus thrown at us it make us realize a few things. We tend to forget who and whats important to us. We have the opportunity to spend time with our love one’s. Thats a sore subject for me to be honest still. I still want more time to be with my dad. Covid didnt take him, the damn cancer rob him and us who love him. I always figure I would leave before him, but look I’m still here and his gone. Just thinking about it hurt