Fight the Fall
I can see myself falling…
in love with man….
I can’t have…..
I seem to always…
get put in this position….
Why we want what we can’t…
have?
I tell my heart to stay on guard..
because his my weakness…
It’s like diving head first…
and think later…
Why the hell you making me feel..
this way?
I love been free…
without remorse….
I’m screwed…
while you here…
I see myself loving you…
While fighting my heart…
I don’t want love here…
What happen to fun and freedom….
Did I mess up falling for you….
YES!!!
Did I FUCK UP, letting you back..
in my bed?
HELL YEA!!!!
I hate that I let my guard break once again..
When will I learn?
I’m falling and fighting myself?
I so hate…
feeling so confuse…
You cloud my judgement…
I’m over here over thinking..
and still fucked up…
I’m falling..
while fighting regret…
I regret that one last chance to go there with you..
that one last chance to put my feelings in the air..
I regret opening myself to a man who isn’t ready..
I fail to realize to not see I couldn’t control..
how my feelings would react when you walk back in..
How did I let my heart get chip…
dent…
I regret everything that has happen in the past week..
But then again I can’t say…
I really regretted it…
It was meant to happen, so I could open…
my eyes to you..
I was hoping he would open
his eyes to reality…
but as someone brought to my attention..
I fucked that up by being..
unexperienced….
What do we do when regrets seem to take over..
But at the back of your mind..
You screaming…
but words seem to betray you ..
and your emotions is taking over..
~PJ~
Not sure when I wrote it. I just know it was sometime last year. With different things I was going thru, and things other people were going thru. Just put my heart in my work and wrote. I thought about changing some of the language, but at that point of my life. I was struggling so hope you enjoy..
I pray all is well with each and every one of you. I hope y’all having a good Holiday. I know I been away a lot. Every time I think I’ll return, something comes up with my health. I have bn having crisis in my hands for a month now. I’m right-handed and that’s the hand that been giving me trouble lately. I did have a good Thanksgiving. I know awhile back I had mention a death in the family and soon after we lost someone else. Its heartbreaking when you lose you child by another person hands. I wont go into detail about it. Ended October I was admitted, I was really sick. COunts had dropped tremendously . I haven’t bn that bad in over a year. I couldn’t walk and lets just say not talk either. I did a lot of crying and screaming. I was in hospital for over a week and few days. I can’t tell you when the last time my sickle-cell had me down that long. Im pretty sure if I read thru my blog It would let me know. I had to have two units of blood, I was running fevers but no infection so they say. Im just so thankful I got the blood. It had bn awhile since I had blood. Im thankful for that. God is truly good all the time. Im hoping to be back soon if not before year out. Making 2017 my year . I miss blogging and writing as well. Thank God for voice.. I hope to fill y’all in with more update soon. Right now Im in process of looking for new place. So we all know how that can be. I hope to catch up on blogs . I have read each and everyone of your comments, just haven’t had the time to accept and comment back. I love the holiday to be able to spend with my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Christmas I love the movie I get to see since end of October. I spent the whole week of thanksgiving with my love. She is growing up so fast. where does the time goes. Im hoping to return to my love journey post very soon. I so miss them but have bn saving my thoughts to share with you all. Im hoping be able to try to get something publish in the new year, only God knows. Until next time I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Please do be safe and remember to let your love one know you love them every chance you get. Never know when its your last time on Earth. I don’t know it seem like every time someone look around someone losing someone. So I had mention it. God Bless
Poets Afterthought 