Category: Death

Posted in 2022, AWARENESS, chronic illness, Death, Health, life, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, sickle cell disease, Update

Update

Posted on by poeticjourney

Good Moning, It’s been a while since I posted. I do pray all is well with every one of you and thanks for joining me and sticking with me thru my silence. I have been struggling since losing my ole man (dad) and my illness hasn’t been the best. I have been out and in about every month and sometimes twice in some months. I must admit surprised I haven’t given up yet. I have been writing a little here and there. I have been thinking about coming back and every time I do I never know how to start my post. seems every time I say I’m coming back it’s an update and then something happens. Life is funny like that, to be honest. The last hospital visit was a week and two days. it’s funny because I was doing good without going to the hospital or been putting in. My third month showed me doesn’t matter how you take care of yourself. Sickle Cell wins. I can take meds and do stuff like I’m supposed and still it wrecks my life without remorse. I haven’t had the chance to take my trip since June which was for my bday month before. I suppose life is funny that way. Covid doesn’t help much either. I must say I’m glad I haven’t and pray I never get it. My thoughts or everywhere. I do pray all is well with every one of you. As of right now the doctors and I or working on a way that I can stay put in the hospital. I have a home nurse that will come out to see me if I need her. It’s crazy how life slows you down when all you want to do is run away and don’t look back. It’s a holiday and my ole man’s birthday is this month. Lord, I miss him so damn much. It still feels fresh and it’ll be three years on the worse month possible. A hint: I hate Father’s Day, hell the whole damn month. Grief is a hella pain. The memories aren’t the same. I can’t hug a memory. I can’t pick up the phone and call just to hear their voice one more time. At this moment, not feeling my best. the weather is getting cold so that could be the reason. I and my body have a love and hate for it.

Questions for ya’ll. How do ya’ll handle grief? I havent fully grieve because of making myself sick. I grieve a little each time im in my hospital. Might as well since Im already sick. I honestly dont want to hear its going to get better. I dont beliee that. I have some people who lost there father longer then I have and they still grieving. Do let me know what ya’ll have done to make it little easier. Many Blessings till next time. I pray its not months later.

Posted in 2022, Death, grieve, Journey, My Journey, My Life

How I grieved

Posted on by poeticjourney

Doing my grieving, I lost myself.

My Thoughts

My healing process of losing a parent or parents is rough. I suppose it’s different if you’re not close with them or in my case a daddy girl. Please don’t ever let anyone rush you on how long you should grieve. Every day is a struggle. Some days i want to crawl back in bed and hide. I miss you from the bottom of my heart. I haven’t been the same since I got the call. Honestly i never imagine you would leave before me. The day before u died it broke my heart. I prayed to God and it went unanswered. Damn my hero isn’t here anymore. Your death has destroyed me to the point I stop living and was giving up. God put people in my life to encourage me to keep living. Today I’m taking it one day at a time until we see each other again.

Posted in 2020, Death, grieve, My Journey, My Life

How to grieve

Posted on by poeticjourney

Is there appropriate way to grieve for someone you lose? Do you rush someone to move on when they lost there love one? I understand not going into depression over it. We have to pray for them not demand they move on. I had a talk with someone about it and they getting mad cause someone seems to be sleeping there life away. Please don’t tell me you understand when you don’t. Don’t tell me it’s going get better. Don’t tell me you going be there for me and you don’t. Don’t ask me what do I or the family need. I notice when you lose a love one, and after the funeral they calls stop. What happens afterwards when we still grieving and wishing our love ones still here. What happen to the calls the showing of love? Does it all go in vain and was you m lying to them? What happen when we start to struggle and lose our way. Can we call on you when we drowning and our hell and wonder if we ever going get out of it. So many unanswered questions. I’m so thankful for the people who understands where I’m coming get from and don’t sit and lie to me. Who says after so many odd years they still miss them and thinking of them and it doesn’t get any easier. Stop lying to us and saying it’s going to get better. Just be real and let us grieve the way we want. Pray for us and keep reaching out and checking in. Just be a friend or a family. What I come to realize after losing my dad, is family is BS. They like to show there assume and it the worse possible way. If only the person who we grieving the was alive you wouldn’t act the way you act and turn your back on family. When grieving we go though so many emotions. It’s really many steps to grieving.

Question is how do you grieve? Have you ever had anyone tell you to get over it? What do you do when a love one tells you how to grieve ? So many emotions run thru me when people try to tell me how I feel. Do share your thoughts on the matter.

Posted in 2020, Cancer, chronic illness, Death, emotions, God, Mini Update, pain

Mini Update

Posted on by poeticjourney

Good Morning and Welcome to My World!!  I don’t know if I’ll return to blogging. My world has come crashing down on me.  I know it’s best to write then let it all build up on me before I explode. I lost my ole man on 6, cancer took him from me. I’m actually doing stuff to not think of him not bn here. But it’s hard when he was my hero. I finally wrote last night and it broke my heart. I know he in a better place but I just want him here with me. I did get a chance to tell him I love him the night before. He didn’t say it back he was hurting so bad. Omg to see him suffering was heartbreaking. I wish I could rewind time back to when he was healthy and strong. I know we’re not suppose to question God, but I wasn’t ready to let him go.  I knew deep down I was going loss him, but not so soon. I think I’m going end post here. It’s breaking my heart. I do pray all is well with each and everyone of you all. God Bless

Posted in 2019, Death, emotions, Goodbye, memories, poem, Poetry

More than Memories

Posted on by poeticjourney

They quick to say you’ll have memories
I don’t want the memories
I want you here with us.
Maybe im been selfish.
But I don’t care.
What are memories?
When you can pick up the phone to tell them
You love them.
When you can hug them.
And hear their laughter.
All I have is memories
I need more.
I want more.
More time.
I’m not ready to say goodbye
Memories aren’t enough
I just need
No, I just want
More time.

5.10.19

~PJ~

More of my feelings and emotions. I lost my Godma. Guess I should be lucky/bless I had her as long as I did. Almost shared my age. It’s nothing like having them here with us. Make sure let your loved ones know you love them.

Posted in 2019, Death, God, life, poem, Poetry

Life And Death

Posted on by poeticjourney

God, they say death is a part of life
I use to agree
It hits different when close to home
Living is where it’s at
Oh God
I wish I could rewind the clock back
Make different choices
Say love you more
Hear your voice one more time
I’m sorry
I fail you in that part.
Death shouldn’t be a part of life.
Living should be part of life
Been here on earth with
Us
Who loves you

5.9.19

~PJ~

My heart is broken and I’m angry at the same time. If you read Dear God poem and Fighting to Live. She lost the battle and gone home to be with God. I just wish she was still here. Do Enjoy! Blessings

Posted in 2019, Death, Goodbye, life, Love, poem, Poetry

Tomorrow Not Promise

Posted on by poeticjourney

Tomorrow not promise to anyone
So many dying left and right.
Tomorrow not promise
It could be last time saying
Goodbye
It could be my last time saying
I love you
Tomorrow not promise
I love you today
I cherish you
I love you
I’m sorry
Tomorrow not promise to anyone
Let me show you
I love you
Let me tell you.
I love you
I said
Tomorrow not promise
To anyone.

4.29.19

~PJ~

Day 29. You never know when it’s your last time on earth. Make sure let your loved ones know you love them. Don’t put it off any longer. Lately so many leaving this earth and we left with regrets. Do Enjoy. God Bless

Posted in 2019, AWARENESS, Death, fight, My Life, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Our Fight

Posted on by poeticjourney

So many dying around us.

Young and old.

Will it ever be a cure.

So many deaths.

I’m tired of reading we lost

Somebody.

Somebody family is hurting

And suffering.

When will our care get better?

She/he fighting for their life.

Sickle cell

Needs a cure

And doctors/nurses who care.

Were tired of getting judge

Just cause you don’t know our pain

And understand our disease

When will y’all do right by us

So many dying

I’m tired of reading we lost

Warriors.

This fight is getting difficult.

Seems nobody cares

So many dying

Young and old

We fighting to live

each and every day.

All we want is just to live

2/10/19
PJ Prim

 

Posted in 2014, 2018, AWARENESS, Death, fight, God, Journey, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Warrior

Posted on by poeticjourney

So many fighting diseases behind
Close doors…
Breaks my heart to hear
So many losing the battle…
You see our smile,
But not know our pain.
Fighting to live.
Holding back tears
So many warriors dying
From sickle cell, lupus, ms, cancer
And so many other diseases…
I never consider myself a warrior
Warriors coming out the closet
And letting the world know
I’m not a shame, my disease isn’t me.
Warriors are the ones,
Who keeps moving when the
The world has turned there back on us…
Warriors
Keep marching to our heavenly
Father call you home.

4/10/14
PJ

Dedicated to so many falling warriors. Quit judging when you don’t know the whole story! God Bless. Feel as if I can add more.

Wanted to share it again for the month of September to bring more awareness to sickle cell since it was sickle cell awareness month. But as many of you may know I try to share it much as possible.

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Death, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Rant and frustration

Posted on by poeticjourney

Hey world, 
And welcome to Poets Afterthought, as you all know especially the ones been with me a long time my name was a poetic journey, it’s still my journey. I have sickle cell and been dealing with it all my life. But im truly tired of how we get treated when we go to the Emergency room. Some doctors shouldn’t have a license to treat patients, same goes with nurses. I done had my fair share. I usually keep quiet and don’t say what truly go thru with when I go. I’m just sick and tired of us dying because they believe oh she\he look good. Oh, they count fine, send them home. Basically so we can die and never be seen again. I could go on with the mistreatment we receive. I rather suffer at home than put up with bullshit doctors and nurses.  I know by doing that I’m only hurting myself. I was watching video yesterday and it broke my heart, we have lost another warrior. We are not getting proper treatment. Point blank, we basically get screwed. Some times I have waited over 6 plus hours in the waiting room just to be seen. Plenty time for us get worse and die. I done waited a long time as well in the room after been call to back, so I could be seen by a doctor. Hell, half the time they run around chatting and joking with one another. I think it’s ridiculous for me to have been half dead are near death for them to do they damn job. I’m sick and tired of the mistreatment. If only they knew what we feel they would have more compassion. Just find out we lost another person. Some of these doctors and nurses still think it’s black disease but it’s not. I had to get blood work recently and had to get port access. One tech who they love call to try and stick me, knows I’m a hard person. Well, she just told me in my file it says to access my port. I’m wondering why these idiots not trying to do their job correctly, but rather put me thru more bullshit than my body can take. It’s sad when you have to pray that you’ll have a compassion doctor to actually do what need be done. How are we going fight when it seems the ones who suppose help us is letting us die.