Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening. It’s been a while since I posted and must say I missed it and y’all. Every since lost my dad I have been lost and drowning and was so angry. It’s been a year unfortunately and he still not here with me. All I have left are memories. Thank you all who stuck with me and newcomers. I have been missing writing and visiting y’all. I have been writing here and there, just clear my head. But not on here. It says I have been blogging here for 10 years. Wow, that’s been a long time. Word press truly became home for me. It has become a place for me to share my journey with my illness. The good and bad. I never thought I would touch so many people live through my experience but I have. It hasn’t been easy. It hasn’t been easy since my dad been gone. I don’t have him here anymore to pray for me and talk to me and just be here. I haven’t truly grieved so I do it Lil bit every time I’m in the hospital. I thought about blogging each time I’m in but never have the energy to share anymore. Hoping to find my way back to sharing more of my life and read about y’all journey. I pray y’all are well and covid hasn’t got y’all down and out. Do enjoy y’all summer but make sure to drink plenty water. It’s hella hot in south. Pray all is well with each and everyone of y’all. God Bless
Welcome to my world. I haven’t blog in a while but have been thinking and contemplating on how to share more of my illness and my thoughts on different things. As I was browsing sickle cell Facebook group I came across a patient sharing what used to be my journey going to the hospital with multiple pokes and bruises. I never thought in a million years I would agree to a port. But when you tired of bn a pin cushion and having a rude ass nurse wake you out of your sleep to put a line in. You either go for line or port. I was glad my nurse was in the hallway when it happens. Some nurses or so compassionate and some just there for a check. It’s always a plus when a nurse has an illness just as bad as you and understands our pain as well. It’s funny because my doctor had been trying to get me to get a port for a while. I have always been scared of needles and still is to this day. When dealing with my port sometimes I hold my breath and they have reminded me to breathe. Everyone doesn’t know what they doing when it comes to my port. They don’t like to listen when you tell them what works and what doesn’t. The port has been a life savior for me in more ways than one. I haven’t taken many pictures showing my port, but do have one. My journey is just that (Mine). If you wondering what my port is used for. It’s for getting fluids, blood when I need a transfusion, and for meds of course. I know over the years I spoke about my port and probably when I got it. It’s good and bad with them. Hell, it’s good and bad with everything. I’m not really at my best, so I’ll end my post here. I pray all is well and everyone is staying safe and warm through the holidays. Many Blessings
Good Afternoon, hope everyone is good and well. As things have changed so much. And seen how so many warriors or saying due to the treatment. I have decided to make a Facebook page so I can share my story and others who give me the ok to do so. Soon as I’m done with the page. I didn’t realize how much work just making another page and the naming process. I have come to the conclusion we need to be heard and if doing this and not been quiet about the treatment or care I get. How will we be heard and how will y’all know my journey and understand just what sickle cell is. A change starts with me not been quiet and hurting in silence.
It’s sad how so many of us are dying due to the lack of care/ and knowledge. We’re dying because they don’t want to listen to us and think we faking it and want to be drugged up. I wish I can be normal but that’s, not the case. Im a warrior and in this fight till im call home. It breaks my heart to hear how we are getting treated. Hell, I still hate going to the hospital with all the BS I done went through. It’s getting better, but that nagging fear still in the back of my head. On my last stay, I was blessed with a good doctor who took the time out to hear my voice. I was so shocked it threw me off. I even had a good CNA! We stay in touch to this day. Doctors and nurses need to go back to school and get more educated on what the hell is Sickle Cell is. I hate when they ask how long you have been living with the disease. Im like what the hell. All my life. I done had so many compassionate nurses than doctors and that says a lot. The question is when will they do better by us?. We want to live and not die by their stupidity. From on out ill be doing more on my illness. Im tired of hearing someone died when they could have lived. We shouldn’t have to be scared of going to the hospital. Im is sorry if im everywhere with my post. I just want us to be heard and to show yall what I go through with living with this illness.
Is there appropriate way to grieve for someone you lose? Do you rush someone to move on when they lost there love one? I understand not going into depression over it. We have to pray for them not demand they move on. I had a talk with someone about it and they getting mad cause someone seems to be sleeping there life away. Please don’t tell me you understand when you don’t. Don’t tell me it’s going get better. Don’t tell me you going be there for me and you don’t. Don’t ask me what do I or the family need. I notice when you lose a love one, and after the funeral they calls stop. What happens afterwards when we still grieving and wishing our love ones still here. What happen to the calls the showing of love? Does it all go in vain and was you m lying to them? What happen when we start to struggle and lose our way. Can we call on you when we drowning and our hell and wonder if we ever going get out of it. So many unanswered questions. I’m so thankful for the people who understands where I’m coming get from and don’t sit and lie to me. Who says after so many odd years they still miss them and thinking of them and it doesn’t get any easier. Stop lying to us and saying it’s going to get better. Just be real and let us grieve the way we want. Pray for us and keep reaching out and checking in. Just be a friend or a family. What I come to realize after losing my dad, is family is BS. They like to show there assume and it the worse possible way. If only the person who we grieving the was alive you wouldn’t act the way you act and turn your back on family. When grieving we go though so many emotions. It’s really many steps to grieving.
Question is how do you grieve? Have you ever had anyone tell you to get over it? What do you do when a love one tells you how to grieve ? So many emotions run thru me when people try to tell me how I feel. Do share your thoughts on the matter.
My heart hurts so bad right now
I done made the biggest mistake
And fallen for a man
Who only thought of me
As a chess piece
The time I needed to be strong
I fail myself
Im standing in the rain
With a broken heart
Im a Queen
In dire need
If you see me walking with
Head hanging down
Please mind your own business
Im dealing with my lost
One after another.
I need to go back to the time things
Was simpler and remember my damn
God will give it to you
And take it away.
Im dealing with my lost
And having a talk with my master
Let me do this alone.
He never left me when I had it all
And didnt know how to act.
Dealing with heartbreak when
The world going thru pandemic
It seems so trivial.
To worry about a Lil heartbreak.
When God is showing me a bigger
Hope you enjoy. I have been working on this piece for over a month. Glad to finish it for poetry month. Do let me know what y’all think. God Bless
I need you
I need you for reasons you cant imagine
I need you on days I want to throw in the towel
I need you even when you give me hell
I need you
I need you as much as you need me.
Needing you has become part of me
Hearing your voice reminds me just how much i need you
Is what you need
I need you
To be ready to love me
Without your past pulling you in
To be ready break down walls
I need you
Im needing You
More and more
While needing you
I’m hurting you and us
I need you
On days I’m fighting
To not express how I feel
On days saying enough can get me by
I need you
I’m struggling on you loving me
And me letting your love heal
What’s so damage
That I’m ashamed of my brokeness
I need you
A new poem dedicated to My Love Journey and emotions. Do enjoy an der me know what you think. God Bless
Tell a story
Some may think
Im not Feenin
For nomore pain
Tells a story
Of me fighting
Sickle Cell Disease
Is not yours
God gave me
To share it and hopefully
Educate the World
On my illness
Tells a story
I have shared this poem before and wanted to share it once again. This month is sickle cell awareness month. With so many of us dying each and every day. I had to the need to share it one more.
Wow, I been here for seven long years a few breaks here and there. I started my blog when I was in college and wasn’t sure what put on my blog. With help of a lovely male nurse. He gave me the idea to spread awareness about my illness. I thought about blogging about my degree and what made me go that route. After going in and out of the hospital in my early 20’s I knew the world needed to hear my story. I never thought people would actually be moved by my story dealing with sickle cell. Hell, I didn’t think anyone would care to be honest. So many times we tend to keep our demons to ourselves because we scared what others may think because they don’t understand the struggle. I see i have made the right place by making WordPress my home to share my story and so forth. So thank you to each and everyone of you for making me feel welcome and joining my journey. Many Blessings. 🙂