Good Moning, It’s been a while since I posted. I do pray all is well with every one of you and thanks for joining me and sticking with me thru my silence. I have been struggling since losing my ole man (dad) and my illness hasn’t been the best. I have been out and in about every month and sometimes twice in some months. I must admit surprised I haven’t given up yet. I have been writing a little here and there. I have been thinking about coming back and every time I do I never know how to start my post. seems every time I say I’m coming back it’s an update and then something happens. Life is funny like that, to be honest. The last hospital visit was a week and two days. it’s funny because I was doing good without going to the hospital or been putting in. My third month showed me doesn’t matter how you take care of yourself. Sickle Cell wins. I can take meds and do stuff like I’m supposed and still it wrecks my life without remorse. I haven’t had the chance to take my trip since June which was for my bday month before. I suppose life is funny that way. Covid doesn’t help much either. I must say I’m glad I haven’t and pray I never get it. My thoughts or everywhere. I do pray all is well with every one of you. As of right now the doctors and I or working on a way that I can stay put in the hospital. I have a home nurse that will come out to see me if I need her. It’s crazy how life slows you down when all you want to do is run away and don’t look back. It’s a holiday and my ole man’s birthday is this month. Lord, I miss him so damn much. It still feels fresh and it’ll be three years on the worse month possible. A hint: I hate Father’s Day, hell the whole damn month. Grief is a hella pain. The memories aren’t the same. I can’t hug a memory. I can’t pick up the phone and call just to hear their voice one more time. At this moment, not feeling my best. the weather is getting cold so that could be the reason. I and my body have a love and hate for it.
Questions for ya’ll. How do ya’ll handle grief? I havent fully grieve because of making myself sick. I grieve a little each time im in my hospital. Might as well since Im already sick. I honestly dont want to hear its going to get better. I dont beliee that. I have some people who lost there father longer then I have and they still grieving. Do let me know what ya’ll have done to make it little easier. Many Blessings till next time. I pray its not months later.
Welcome to my world. I haven’t blog in a while but have been thinking and contemplating on how to share more of my illness and my thoughts on different things. As I was browsing sickle cell Facebook group I came across a patient sharing what used to be my journey going to the hospital with multiple pokes and bruises. I never thought in a million years I would agree to a port. But when you tired of bn a pin cushion and having a rude ass nurse wake you out of your sleep to put a line in. You either go for line or port. I was glad my nurse was in the hallway when it happens. Some nurses or so compassionate and some just there for a check. It’s always a plus when a nurse has an illness just as bad as you and understands our pain as well. It’s funny because my doctor had been trying to get me to get a port for a while. I have always been scared of needles and still is to this day. When dealing with my port sometimes I hold my breath and they have reminded me to breathe. Everyone doesn’t know what they doing when it comes to my port. They don’t like to listen when you tell them what works and what doesn’t. The port has been a life savior for me in more ways than one. I haven’t taken many pictures showing my port, but do have one. My journey is just that (Mine). If you wondering what my port is used for. It’s for getting fluids, blood when I need a transfusion, and for meds of course. I know over the years I spoke about my port and probably when I got it. It’s good and bad with them. Hell, it’s good and bad with everything. I’m not really at my best, so I’ll end my post here. I pray all is well and everyone is staying safe and warm through the holidays. Many Blessings 
Poets Afterthought 