Posted in 2020, Death, grieve, My Journey, My Life

How to grieve

Is there appropriate way to grieve for someone you lose? Do you rush someone to move on when they lost there love one? I understand not going into depression over it. We have to pray for them not demand they move on. I had a talk with someone about it and they getting mad cause someone seems to be sleeping there life away. Please don’t tell me you understand when you don’t. Don’t tell me it’s going get better. Don’t tell me you going be there for me and you don’t. Don’t ask me what do I or the family need. I notice when you lose a love one, and after the funeral they calls stop. What happens afterwards when we still grieving and wishing our love ones still here. What happen to the calls the showing of love? Does it all go in vain and was you m lying to them? What happen when we start to struggle and lose our way. Can we call on you when we drowning and our hell and wonder if we ever going get out of it. So many unanswered questions. I’m so thankful for the people who understands where I’m coming get from and don’t sit and lie to me. Who says after so many odd years they still miss them and thinking of them and it doesn’t get any easier. Stop lying to us and saying it’s going to get better. Just be real and let us grieve the way we want. Pray for us and keep reaching out and checking in. Just be a friend or a family. What I come to realize after losing my dad, is family is BS. They like to show there assume and it the worse possible way. If only the person who we grieving the was alive you wouldn’t act the way you act and turn your back on family. When grieving we go though so many emotions. It’s really many steps to grieving.

Question is how do you grieve? Have you ever had anyone tell you to get over it? What do you do when a love one tells you how to grieve ? So many emotions run thru me when people try to tell me how I feel. Do share your thoughts on the matter.

Posted in 2020, God, Heart, life, Life Lessons, Listen, My Life, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Pray, queen, Relatonships

Bigger Picture

My heart hurts so bad right now
I done made the biggest mistake
And fallen for a man
Who only thought of me
As a chess piece
The time I needed to be strong
I fail myself
Im standing in the rain
With a broken heart
Im a Queen
In dire need
If you see me walking with
Head hanging down
Please mind your own business
Im dealing with my lost
One after another.
I need to go back to the time things
Was simpler and remember my damn
Place.
God will give it to you

And take it away.
Im dealing with my lost
And having a talk with my master
Let me do this alone.
He never left me when I had it all
And didnt know how to act.
Dealing with heartbreak when
The world going thru pandemic
It seems so trivial.
To worry about a Lil heartbreak.
When God is showing me a bigger
Pic

4.1.20

~PJ~

Hope you enjoy. I have been working on this piece for over a month. Glad to finish it for poetry month. Do let me know what y’all think. God Bless

Posted in 2020, emotions, Love, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Relatonships

I need you

I need you

I need you for reasons you cant imagine
I need you on days I want to throw in the towel
I need you even when you give me hell
I need you
Baby
I need you as much as you need me.
Needing you has become part of me
Hearing your voice reminds me just how much i need you
Healing you
Is what you need
I need you
To be ready to love me
Without your past pulling you in
To be ready break down walls
Baby
I need you
Im needing You
More and more
While needing you
I’m hurting you and us
I need you
On days I’m fighting
To not express how I feel
On days saying enough can get me by
I need you
Understand
I’m struggling on you loving me
And me letting your love heal
What’s so damage
That I’m ashamed of my brokeness
I need you
2.8.9.20

~PJ~

A new poem dedicated to My Love Journey and emotions. Do enjoy an der me know what you think. God Bless

Posted in 2018, My Journey, My Life

10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT ME

As you all know well the one’s that have been with me for a few years now. I haven’t shared much about myself besides my illness, God and few other things. I figure it would be a good thing to sort of introduce myself to you all.
  • I’m a bookworm and hope to one day to own my own personal library or either a bookstore. ( I have read Harry Potter 6 times each, yes all 7 of the books.
  • I love to shop. Clothes, shoes, even socks.
  • Spring is my favorite season. I’m a spring baby.
  • I’m a Gemini.
  • I’m the only girl, and the oldest.
  • I’m a homebody to the fullest.
  • I love to play Call Of Duty on Ps4. I’m surprise at how much I come up with while playing. A way for me to relax and clear mind.
  • I love watching Christmas and the movies..
  • I love watching NCIS, NCIS Las Angeles, finally getting into New Orleans one.
  • I have seen Harry Potter so many times, I couldn’t even give you the exact number. My favorite is the third one Harry Potter and the Prisoner Of Azkaban
  • Continue reading “10 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT ME”
    Posted in 2011, 2018, AWARENESS, fight, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

    Scar

    My scars
    Tell a story
    Some may think
    Im addict
    Im not Feenin
    For drugs
    Im Feenin
    For nomore pain
    My scars
    Tells a story
    Of me fighting
    Sickle Cell Disease
    My life
    Is not yours
    God gave me
    This life
    To share it and hopefully
    Educate the World
    On my illness
    My scars
    Tells a story

    12/13/11

    PoeticJourney

     

    I have shared this poem before and wanted to share it once again. This month is sickle cell awareness month.  With so many of us dying each and every day. I had to the need to share it one more.

     

    Posted in 2018, Blessed, Blogging Anniversary, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

    7 years

    Wow, I been here for seven long years a few breaks here and there. I started my blog when I was in college and wasn’t sure what put on my blog. With help of a lovely male nurse. He gave me the idea to spread awareness about my illness. I thought about blogging about my degree and what made me go that route. After going in and out of the hospital in my early 20’s I knew the world needed to hear my story. I never thought people would actually be moved by my story dealing with sickle cell. Hell, I didn’t think anyone would care to be honest. So many times we tend to keep our demons to ourselves because we scared what others may think because they don’t understand the struggle. I see i have made the right place by making WordPress my home to share my story and so forth. So thank you to each and everyone of you for making me feel welcome and joining my journey. Many Blessings. 🙂

    Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, God, Health, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

    Day 1, Living With Sickle Cell

    Good Evening, I decided to make E.R visited yesterday since the pain wasn’t letting up. My mom actually pushes me to go, so they could give me some fluids and oxygen. Let me tell you I was thankful the doctor I like was working. He actually knows a lot about my illness so that’s a plus. My counts weren’t too bad was in middle 8’s, with an 11 for the retic, which let me know why I was hurting the way I was. With two doses of meds, my pain wasn’t moving. I didn’t catch it in time and that’s nobody fault but mine. I have been resting every since I got on the floor, let me just say probably slept 5 or 10 mins be honest. I can’t rest like I want when I’m hurting. I have been having chest pains on and off over the past week. So he made sure to do an x-ray to make sure I didn’t have an acute chest. I’m hoping and praying these a short stay. I have a nice doctor, she had to change my orders how often I get meds before seen me. That meant so much to me. She took the time out to read my orders and what was done last time I was admitted. I got some good nurses as well. Loving with these disease has taught me a lot. Taught me how to pick up on signs and what not to do when it’s already too late. I was getting upset with myself yesterday cause nothing was touching the pain. I thought I was doing everything right, but it doesn’t matter if you do what need be done. It comes with vengeance over of body. Sorry cut these short, but I’m getting tired hopefully I can get some rest. Truly means a lot if Y’all can keep me in your prayers and thoughts. Until next time, pray every one of you all is well. God Bless

    Posted in 2016, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

    Update

    Good Evening,

     

    wp-1458744164813.jpgI pray all is well with each and every one of you. I hope y’all having a good Holiday. I know I been away a lot. Every time I think I’ll return, something comes up with my health. I have bn having crisis in my hands for a month now. I’m right-handed and that’s the hand that been giving me trouble lately. I did have a good Thanksgiving. I know awhile back I had mention a death in the family and soon after we lost someone else. Its heartbreaking when you lose you child by another person hands. I wont go into detail about it.  Ended October I was admitted, I was really sick. COunts had dropped tremendously . I haven’t bn that bad in over a year. I couldn’t walk and lets just say not talk either. I did a lot of crying and screaming. I was in hospital for over a week and few days. I can’t tell you when the last time my sickle-cell had me down that long. Im pretty sure if I read thru my blog It would let me know.  I had to have two units of blood, I was running fevers but no infection so they say. Im just so thankful I got the blood. It had bn awhile since I had blood. Im thankful for that. God is truly good all the time.  Im hoping to be back soon if not before year out. Making 2017 my year . I miss blogging and writing as well.  Thank God for voice..   I hope to fill y’all in with more update soon. Right now Im in process of looking for new place.  So we all know how that can be. I hope to catch up on blogs . I have read each and everyone of your comments, just haven’t had the time to accept and comment back.  I love the holiday to be able to spend with my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Christmas I love the movie I get to see since end of October.  I spent the whole week of thanksgiving with my love. She is growing up so fast. where does the time goes. Im hoping to return to my love journey post very soon. I so miss them but have bn saving my thoughts to share with you all. Im hoping be able to try to get something publish in the new year, only God knows.  Until next time I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Please do be safe and remember to let your love one know you love them every chance you get. Never know when its your last time on Earth. I don’t know it seem like every time someone look around someone losing someone. So I had mention it. God Bless

    Posted in 2015, AWARENESS, Bless, God, Journey, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Uncategorized, Update

    Update

    Good Morning,

     

    Will be short post, since its Christmas. I posted the last update late. I don’t know what happen. I guess it had bn awhile since I posted that I forgot to take it off draft and hit publish.. lol.  I had some what okay doctor appointment. I got put on more meds. So not happy about that. I got back in Feb, before I leave in March so that’s good. They up my dose on one of my meds. I already know how dis going to go. Lets just say I’m not happy:( . I bn dealing with headaches for like 3 days, not so bad today. I’m listening to music as I type up my post. So that’s helping. I’m loving the weather we having here in the South. Not cold whatsoever. I hope everyone having a lovely Christmas. I don’t believe I ever had a warm Christmas, but I’m so not complaining. Even with the rain. I’m not crazy about the rain because it makes my body aches and can interfere with my illness, but I do love rain. SO love and hate relationship. We trying to see about not depending on pain meds, I like the way that sound. Because I’m bad about going cold turkey a lot, but that could be reason why I be in and out hospital because I do that a lot. Sometime you just want to enjoy life and not be drug up. Just my opinion .  Sorry it took so long to do my updates, with everything going on, with health and holidays. I probably wont post anymore 2 New Year. So I want to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and Happy New years one more time. God bless :). If I forgot anything in the update, will edit later on. I need some sleep. Music do put my mind at ease.  Thank You all for sticking with me on dis bumping ride I call life.

    Posted in 2015, heart, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry

    Regret

    I regret that one last chance to go there with you..

    that one last chance to put my feelings in the air..

    I regret opening myself to a man who isn’t ready..

    I fail to realize to not see I couldn’t control..

    how my feelings would react when you walk back in..

    How did I let my heart get chip…

    dent…

    I regret everything that has happen in the past week..

    But then again I can’t say…

    I really regretted it…

    It was meant to happen, so I could open…

    my eye’s to you..

    I was hoping he would open

    his eye’s to reality…

    but as someone brought to my attetnion..

    I fucked that up by been..

    unexperience….

    What do we do when regrets seem to take over..

    But at the back on your mind..

    You screaming…

    but words seem to betray you ..

    and your emotions is taking over..

    Im stuck with regrets…

    12/7/15

    As I mention I have bn writing even though I may haven’t bn busy blogging and sharing. I have bn sharing my thoughts on paper. Right now I’m refusing to do just that, because I’m going thru so much as the poem says. I know things happen. Teach us a lesson. I hope and pray everyone have a bless Christmas and if you don’t celebrate Happy Holidays 2 you and yours. God Bless 🙂

     God is truly the reason for the season. I can’t sleep since I’m not feeling my best and my mind is doing 2 much thinking. I need to write and I don’t want 2. I usually let myself think for awhile before I temp to write. But I truly need to think as much as possible cause I refuse to write. No matter how much it may make me feel good or either break me .