My healing process of losing a parent or parents is rough. I suppose it’s different if you’re not close with them or in my case a daddy girl. Please don’t ever let anyone rush you on how long you should grieve. Every day is a struggle. Some days i want to crawl back in bed and hide. I miss you from the bottom of my heart. I haven’t been the same since I got the call. Honestly i never imagine you would leave before me. The day before u died it broke my heart. I prayed to God and it went unanswered. Damn my hero isn’t here anymore. Your death has destroyed me to the point I stop living and was giving up. God put people in my life to encourage me to keep living. Today I’m taking it one day at a time until we see each other again.
Hello, and Welcome to my World. As some of you may know that’s been following me for a while, the title lets y’all know I’m in the hospital. I made sure to stay this time. I’m not going to keep running back up here. My counts still holding their own. My EKG and x-rays were okay. They even decided to give me covid and flu test. It was a slow process but once they got me to the back things ran somewhat smoothly. I had a doctor from last time that I said was good to me. Hella a week. Me trying to fight thru it all. Pretend like everything is alright when all u want is to die on the inside. My counts have dropped from 8.7 to 7.4. This post was supposed to go up last night. I couldn’t keep my eyes open due to the meds. So until next time. God Bless
Good Morning, what a night, it was a hella painful night. I didn’t get a call from the back after 11. I honestly was getting ready to walk out. Once got back things were running smoothly. Had a nice doc and they got one nurse they get my port every time now. My main concern was chest pain. X-ray and EKG look good but did find out have cars on my lungs. Learn something new and she said I even went back and look at other X-rays and showed the same thing. But she was the first and only doc me. If u wondering if I stay or go home. I’m home, maybe should’ve stayed the hospital is full and I would’ve bn in ER area for a while. My left arm hurts to lift, and so is my hip. So walking man slowly. I hate moving to be honest. Seem my chest pain is coming back now. May have gone back and let them keep me. Until next time. Oh if u wondering when got discharged it was around 8 that morning. I slept a lot. God Bless
Hello and Welcome to My World, thank you for the follows and likes. I know I have been slipping with my post and visiting. I’m trying y’all. I was sick a few weeks ago and so many times I wanted to pick my phone up and blog. Half the time I couldn’t even focus because of pain and meds. I do want y’all to see the good and bad side of my illness. But when I’m hurting so bad and sick they were staying on top of my pain. It started to get worse once they couldn’t find my blood type. Well not find it, it was stuck up in VA because of the snowstorm. My counts got low as 5.4. It’s a blessing they find blood in my state. Let me say this if you can donate blood, please do so. You are saving someone’s life. I understand if you can’t because of illness or whatever it may be. Anywho back to what I was saying. I had gone in because of chest pain and other areas hurting. Never thought they going to keep me and I be in here damn near two weeks. They started looking for my blood soon as I got in to be on the safe side because I have antibodies and so I would have to wait and looked still had a wait. I was happy with my mom was able to visit because it would’ve been my ole man and they weren’t letting people visit months ago. She said I couldn’t understand you because the meds had me out of it. I have a praying mother, I was at peace because I knew everything was going to be alright. God had me. I was hooked up to heart monitors and this and that. That should’ve told me I was sick. It’s crazy how you think it’s something minor and ends up major. I had some good nurses and some nurses I wanted to smack because she didn’t know her job. It seem like every time I would move to go to the bathroom my port needle would come out. One time did it when I wasn’t plugged into anything. The next time it did it was when I was getting blood and messing my favorite gown up. I’m not used to needles coming out my port. It let me know whoever did it, didn’t do a good job. The nurse panicking and freaking out was making my anxiety go up. She was acting crazy than I was when it was happening to me. It’s when she lost her mind and want to yell and had clear my throat and give her a look. Don’t do me know well get out of pocket when I’m sick. At end of the shift she didn’t listen to me about my ankles swelling and told the next nurse she says there swelling but threw not. Guess what my ankles swell a lot. I know my body. I am thankful I didn’t get her again. I’m glad to be out but must admit not feeling my best. Was glad to have a doc appointment today. My heart rate has been high as 131 or even higher. Usually, go to ER, next thing I know I’m put in. It was all high today and so was my blood pressure, she had to retake it after I left. I didn’t want to get admitted over there, I will be too far from home and my mom is sick with covid and can’t come to see me even if I was close. She gave me the flu swab negative and darn covid test, that be negative as well. I have wait two days because they were out of the rapid test. I have to get an x-ray tomorrow on my chest and hip. I bn dealing with back pain and when I got up my hipshot pain all way up and I was limping. I didn’t think it had been almost ten years. I’m still having some pain in my chest and back. We checking to make sure it’s not pneumonia. I didn’t want to be touched anymore today because I was hurting already. Hopefully tomorrow I will be up to another update because this is a long post. I’m going to get myself some rest until next time stay blessed and warm and safe. God bless
Good Morning/Evening, I havent been feeling well for the past few days. I take it change of season. Some days I dont want to get out of bed, but hell who doesn’t have them days? On other days I just push through it and pray about it. Thats all I can do at times. I really do miss my dad. He would know what to say right now. Its another month and usually I get sick in October. But lately I been getting sick like every other month. I need to return to keto to be honest, it really helped me out . Have you every realize when you change your eating habit for the best, your body does so much better. I have slipped after losing my dad. But I must admit I’m not ready to leave this world just yet. So its time to get back on track. Another day in pain paradise. Not funny, but had to say it. When it comes to Covid, I make sure I dont go out if I dont have to. And I always wear a mask when I do step out, I care santizer and wipes. I dont do gloves because some stuff Im allergy to and same with diff mask as well. Its weird you never know what you allergy to until you stuck with having to have it around you or in your life constantly. I know I mention awhile back. I havent got the shot and I don’t plan on getting it. Im always careful and to be honestly I dont like been around people to be frank. Im more of a home body and I keep to myself. With this virus thrown at us it make us realize a few things. We tend to forget who and whats important to us. We have the opportunity to spend time with our love one’s. Thats a sore subject for me to be honest still. I still want more time to be with my dad. Covid didnt take him, the damn cancer rob him and us who love him. I always figure I would leave before him, but look I’m still here and his gone. Just thinking about it hurt
Another day in pain and wondering if I should go to the ER. Always worry they going keep me or mistreat me. I get great care once on the floor. It’s a shame I have to worry about this when all I need and want is relief and not to hurt. I’m not asking for judgment. I hate lying to my mom and saying I’m fine when I’m not. I hate having her worry about me. I know if I wait too long it will take a while for my crisis to end. Honestly, I’m just tired of hurting. I pray all is well and if you praying warrior do say a prayer for me. God Bless
Hello and Welcome to my World. Today isn’t a good day. I don’t know if it the weather or the stress. It could be a combination of both. Some days or good and some days are bad. Today is a bad day. We don’t realize the things that send us over the edge. The things that disturb our peace mentally and emotionally. I’m learning to step back and look at what was hurting me. I make Saturday a wash day at my mother’s house. I push myself because I know things have to be done. Right now my back and up to my neck. I hate depending on my meds to help me feel better, I hate hurting even more. I have been doing a lot of resting for the past two days. Taking meds, laying on a heating pad, and of course, taking my meds. Oh, and drinking plenty of fluids and praying. I wish my dad was still here. I always go to him first and ask him to pray for me. I’m going to end the post here and pick up with an update tomorrow. Hope and pray everyone had a good weekend. God Bless
It’s sad how so many of us are dying due to the lack of care/ and knowledge. We’re dying because they don’t want to listen to us and think we faking it and want to be drugged up. I wish I can be normal but that’s, not the case. Im a warrior and in this fight till im call home. It breaks my heart to hear how we are getting treated. Hell, I still hate going to the hospital with all the BS I done went through. It’s getting better, but that nagging fear still in the back of my head. On my last stay, I was blessed with a good doctor who took the time out to hear my voice. I was so shocked it threw me off. I even had a good CNA! We stay in touch to this day. Doctors and nurses need to go back to school and get more educated on what the hell is Sickle Cell is. I hate when they ask how long you have been living with the disease. Im like what the hell. All my life. I done had so many compassionate nurses than doctors and that says a lot. The question is when will they do better by us?. We want to live and not die by their stupidity. From on out ill be doing more on my illness. Im tired of hearing someone died when they could have lived. We shouldn’t have to be scared of going to the hospital. Im is sorry if im everywhere with my post. I just want us to be heard and to show yall what I go through with living with this illness.
I know it’s been a while since I blogged. I have had two hospitals Stays since. The first one was after lost my lost man and they thought had covid but ended up with pneumonia. The question to me is how I got it. Thinking someone at the funeral was sick and should have stayed home. For the ones who have been with me since I started blogging about my illness, you know the shit I have been through. The mistreatment, not wanting to believe my pain because they couldn’t understand or see it. I have a podcast for you to check out. I’m going to school with the young lady they talking to. She is one of the strongest women I know who battle this illness. No matter how strong you are they still try to mistreat you. She gave me the ok to share it. I’m still trying to find my way back to blogging. I think I’m almost there. So bare with me. I’m going to visiting blogs. Thank you to the new followers who join my journey. God Bless each and everyone of you all. https://www.wnpr.org/post/almost-everybody-hurts-exploration-pain
Hello and Welcome back to my world. I’m still here and hoping to go home tomorrow. Thankful my counts are coming up on its own. I said counts were 7.7, I meant it was 7.2 and now counts are at 7.7. I’m still having a good doctor on my team. My pain isn’t as bad as it was when I came in so I’m thankful for that. My legs hurting but they starting to ease some. I’m looking into new meds for my illness. Waiting hears back from them. My nurse practitioner told me about it a few weeks ago. It was either the pill one or the iv one once a month and had to drive so that was out the question. I have the doctors asking me about taking the cancer meds again. But I’m good. Some doctors dont know its more meds out there for my illness. Be doing another post about the. We meds. Waiting to see if my insurance approves it. Until next time. God Bless
Poets Afterthought 