Posted in 2019, emotions, Health, Heart, Journey, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetry

In A Crisis

My heart beating to so many emotions
I’m trying to figure if I should stay
Or go
I’m in crisis
My body betraying me
I’m losing the battle
Within myself
It out of control
I can’t come to terms with my emotions
I’m in crisis
And my frustration is at breaking point
I’m losing control
The old me returning
I’m struggling in crisis.
I’m in need of deliverance
I’m in crisis
Crying out
For help
I can’t take it any longer.
I’m in crisis
My head spinning
I’m losing control
Can you hear me?
Do you see me?
I’m losing control
My body betraying me
My emotions
Done destroyed me
I’m out of control
Yo
I’m in crisis
Can you help me?

11.8.19

~PJ~
This poem is dedicated to my life. Do enjoy and let me know what y’all think. God Bless

Posted in 2014, AWARENESS, Faith, God, My Journey, My Life, poem, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Strength

Against All Odds

I learn to fight
I shed tears, question
Myself if I was meant for
These journey with Warriors
Against All Odds.
God showed me just how..
Strong I was to be Warrior..
He knew what he was doing
When he created me
Against All Odds .
I showed strength, when I wanted
To give up
God showed me love…
In the midst of storm
He showed me I’m nothing
Without him..
Reminded me to hold on to
Faith…
Against All Odds..
4/18/14
PJ

Dedicated to my journey of life. No matter what you going thru his right there in the midst! Don’t stop fighting/ believing in him..No matter my odds, God had everything in control… Not sure if I’m happy with this piece, do let me know what you think 🙂

I’m re sharing poems dedicated to my illness to the end of month since its sickle cell awareness month. I do have new one’s I hope to put up real soon, so do bare with me. If you don’t like rereading different post that’s fine as well. God Bless;)

Posted in 2018, AWARENESS, God, Journey, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Hey World,

And welcome to my world. I took a break from writing about my disease because I felt like I was talking about it too much. But honestly its truly not enough information about what I and many others go through on daily basis. September is Sickle Cell Awareness month. With so many dying left and right and it seems like every day makes me wonder what is going on. Why isn’t there much information about what we go through and why does it seem like the doctor and nurses have stopped giving a damn about us? It’s time to better educated new and younger doctors/nurses about sickle cell and stop making it a black disease because that’s not the case. And time spread awareness on sickle cell trait. I got to stop being quiet and start opening my mouth and let the world know what’s going on. I have debated for a few weeks now on coming back and doing what I started. Some may not like my content and that’s fine. On days when pain is so bad, I pray that God calls me home cause it be just that painful and nothing love ones do doctor and nurses help. I recently had E.R visit after going months without having an issue. Sorry, I take that back, I fought it home a few months again. I haven’t been admitted since May before my bday. God is truly good all the time. I’m not sharing my story for pity, I’m sharing my story to spread awareness. The more I stay quiet the less is getting done for the sickle cell community. I do plan on doing an update post on how my experience went with hospital visit and doc appointment. I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Death, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Rant and frustration

Hey world, 
And welcome to Poets Afterthought, as you all know especially the ones been with me a long time my name was a poetic journey, it’s still my journey. I have sickle cell and been dealing with it all my life. But im truly tired of how we get treated when we go to the Emergency room. Some doctors shouldn’t have a license to treat patients, same goes with nurses. I done had my fair share. I usually keep quiet and don’t say what truly go thru with when I go. I’m just sick and tired of us dying because they believe oh she\he look good. Oh, they count fine, send them home. Basically so we can die and never be seen again. I could go on with the mistreatment we receive. I rather suffer at home than put up with bullshit doctors and nurses.  I know by doing that I’m only hurting myself. I was watching video yesterday and it broke my heart, we have lost another warrior. We are not getting proper treatment. Point blank, we basically get screwed. Some times I have waited over 6 plus hours in the waiting room just to be seen. Plenty time for us get worse and die. I done waited a long time as well in the room after been call to back, so I could be seen by a doctor. Hell, half the time they run around chatting and joking with one another. I think it’s ridiculous for me to have been half dead are near death for them to do they damn job. I’m sick and tired of the mistreatment. If only they knew what we feel they would have more compassion. Just find out we lost another person. Some of these doctors and nurses still think it’s black disease but it’s not. I had to get blood work recently and had to get port access. One tech who they love call to try and stick me, knows I’m a hard person. Well, she just told me in my file it says to access my port. I’m wondering why these idiots not trying to do their job correctly, but rather put me thru more bullshit than my body can take. It’s sad when you have to pray that you’ll have a compassion doctor to actually do what need be done. How are we going fight when it seems the ones who suppose help us is letting us die. 

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, God, Health, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Day 1, Living With Sickle Cell

Good Evening, I decided to make E.R visited yesterday since the pain wasn’t letting up. My mom actually pushes me to go, so they could give me some fluids and oxygen. Let me tell you I was thankful the doctor I like was working. He actually knows a lot about my illness so that’s a plus. My counts weren’t too bad was in middle 8’s, with an 11 for the retic, which let me know why I was hurting the way I was. With two doses of meds, my pain wasn’t moving. I didn’t catch it in time and that’s nobody fault but mine. I have been resting every since I got on the floor, let me just say probably slept 5 or 10 mins be honest. I can’t rest like I want when I’m hurting. I have been having chest pains on and off over the past week. So he made sure to do an x-ray to make sure I didn’t have an acute chest. I’m hoping and praying these a short stay. I have a nice doctor, she had to change my orders how often I get meds before seen me. That meant so much to me. She took the time out to read my orders and what was done last time I was admitted. I got some good nurses as well. Loving with these disease has taught me a lot. Taught me how to pick up on signs and what not to do when it’s already too late. I was getting upset with myself yesterday cause nothing was touching the pain. I thought I was doing everything right, but it doesn’t matter if you do what need be done. It comes with vengeance over of body. Sorry cut these short, but I’m getting tired hopefully I can get some rest. Truly means a lot if Y’all can keep me in your prayers and thoughts. Until next time, pray every one of you all is well. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Sickle Cell Awareness


Today is World Sickle Cell Awareness Day. Every day is sickle cell awareness day to me. Go out and get tested, as well as go out donate blood of you can. God has truly blessed me to be still alive. Living with these disease has taught me so much about life and prayers. Today I’m not feeling my best, but trying stay calm and relax. I just wanted to come on here and share it with you’ll. Too many warriors have died in past few weeks and it truly breaks my heart.

Let’s spread the word, never know who live you may help. It means a lot 

Posted in 2017, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, Prayers, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

thumbnailSCD

Today isn’t a good day, I have been hurting since Tuesday.  I haven’t seen inside hospital e.r since the beginning of the year. Some days are better than the others.  I may be going to the hospital later today, but let me tell you, that’s the last thing I want to do be honest. But the meds aren’t working, I haven’t had pain meds that hospital give it a long time.  I have been taking nerve meds to relax, but it’s not working. So I know what  I need to do… It’s the idea of ignorant doctor knowing more about my illness that’s turns me off on going to be treated. I truly believe some doctors are out to kill a lot of us with this illness.. Oh, your blood count looks fine, so we not going to do anything. The last time I went. My retic was high, did the idiot check my counts nope just retic. Did he give me any meds that I was suppose to get. Nope, he gave me something I never had before and it made me feel worse. Did he give a damn, nope.   They truly believe giving us fluids should help without proper care. I just hope when I do go to the hospital I don’t have to deal with idiot doctor.  My whole body is betraying me in the worse way. sighs…Do keep me in your prayers, I’ll be cutting these post short, because hurting too bad to focus properly. I pray all is well with each and every one of you. God is truly good all the time,

no matter what we go through. He got us.

Posted in 2016, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update

Good Evening,

 

wp-1458744164813.jpgI pray all is well with each and every one of you. I hope y’all having a good Holiday. I know I been away a lot. Every time I think I’ll return, something comes up with my health. I have bn having crisis in my hands for a month now. I’m right-handed and that’s the hand that been giving me trouble lately. I did have a good Thanksgiving. I know awhile back I had mention a death in the family and soon after we lost someone else. Its heartbreaking when you lose you child by another person hands. I wont go into detail about it.  Ended October I was admitted, I was really sick. COunts had dropped tremendously . I haven’t bn that bad in over a year. I couldn’t walk and lets just say not talk either. I did a lot of crying and screaming. I was in hospital for over a week and few days. I can’t tell you when the last time my sickle-cell had me down that long. Im pretty sure if I read thru my blog It would let me know.  I had to have two units of blood, I was running fevers but no infection so they say. Im just so thankful I got the blood. It had bn awhile since I had blood. Im thankful for that. God is truly good all the time.  Im hoping to be back soon if not before year out. Making 2017 my year . I miss blogging and writing as well.  Thank God for voice..   I hope to fill y’all in with more update soon. Right now Im in process of looking for new place.  So we all know how that can be. I hope to catch up on blogs . I have read each and everyone of your comments, just haven’t had the time to accept and comment back.  I love the holiday to be able to spend with my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Christmas I love the movie I get to see since end of October.  I spent the whole week of thanksgiving with my love. She is growing up so fast. where does the time goes. Im hoping to return to my love journey post very soon. I so miss them but have bn saving my thoughts to share with you all. Im hoping be able to try to get something publish in the new year, only God knows.  Until next time I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Please do be safe and remember to let your love one know you love them every chance you get. Never know when its your last time on Earth. I don’t know it seem like every time someone look around someone losing someone. So I had mention it. God Bless

Posted in 2016, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Day 3, Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

image

Hey World,

As you all know if you read my other post, that I’m in hospital.  My counts are still dropping and my right hand all the way up is swollen. I got x rays yesterday everything came back normal, nothing broke. When I was younger I use have problems with my arms and hands swellen due to my sickle cell. Thank for all the comments and prayers, truly means a lot to me. I’m not much with long post, but did want check in and let you all know how I was doing. If my counts don’t drop no more I could go home. But doc is holding off transfusion.  Which I’m happy about, haven’t had transfusion dis year. God is truly good all the time. Before I end dis post, I got heartbreaking news from my bestie, her cancer has return and now it’s attacking her liver. I actually enjoyed face time with her earlier today, just hear how she doing.