Posted in 2020, Heart, Love, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Relatonships

When is you going wake up??

When are you going wake up
And see I dont want anything from you.
All I want is your time and heart.
Im not asking for your change.
You got a woman who cares for you
Spiritual, mental and emotionally
When you going wake up
To see Im not here for the fame
Im not here for your money
Im here cause I care.
I worry for you
Can you sense it?
I done fought for you so long
When are you going to wake up?
I dont fight
I just walk
But you made a mark in my life
Damn
Maybe I need a wake-up
And see you trying let old you come to play
Im stubborn and like learn on my own
Me waking up
It is like you taking heed to what im saying.
Can you feel what im saying?

4.4.20

~PJ~

A poem dedicated to poetry month and for yesterday and today. Welcome to my crazy love journey. Looks like I’m telling my story backward. Do enjoy and God Bless

Posted in 2020, fight, Love, My Journey, My Life, My Love Journey, poem, Poetry, Relatonships

Never Knew

I never knew how deep my love.
Could be for another man
Its crazy cause after the last
I was done with fuckery and
Knew damn well my heart couldn’t
Be touch again after shutting down
After my last mistake
That really took me back to the old
Me.
Cold-hearted
But you..
What can I say..
Our first interaction was EPIC!!!
Till this day I can’t get it out my head.
Damn a TAURUS at that
That should have been a warning
But im stubborn and warnings is
Like a GO for me.
I can name other reasons
But what’s the point.
I love how you became a person
I could count on without me realizing it
I love how you sneak your way in
Without me knowing I cared for you
I love you for many reasons
For staying when you should have a walk
From get-go
For fighting for me as you say.
I plead 5 on that.
But I give it to you.
Never thought I’ll meet someone worth
Fighting for
Im selfish
I want you to myself
But I can’t have you to myself

3.24.20

~PJ~

Do enjoy and let me know what you think. Going to add it to My Love Journey. God Bless

Posted in 2020, Love, Love Journey, love thought, Relatonships

Love Thought

Welcome back to my love journey and thoughts. I met a young man who has the biggest heart. But with so much hurt inside him. He gives so much but his love is taken for granted. His in search and need for that love, and that real love. How do you love someone whose heart been thru so much? Do you heal them before loving them the way he deserves? I like to hear what y’all thought on the topic.

Posted in 2019, emotions, Health, Heart, Journey, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetry

In A Crisis

My heart beating to so many emotions
I’m trying to figure if I should stay
Or go
I’m in crisis
My body betraying me
I’m losing the battle
Within myself
It out of control
I can’t come to terms with my emotions
I’m in crisis
And my frustration is at breaking point
I’m losing control
The old me returning
I’m struggling in crisis.
I’m in need of deliverance
I’m in crisis
Crying out
For help
I can’t take it any longer.
I’m in crisis
My head spinning
I’m losing control
Can you hear me?
Do you see me?
I’m losing control
My body betraying me
My emotions
Done destroyed me
I’m out of control
Yo
I’m in crisis
Can you help me?

11.8.19

~PJ~
This poem is dedicated to my life. Do enjoy and let me know what y’all think. God Bless

Posted in 2019, emotions, God, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry

Pulling Me Back

I don’t want to think of you
I’m trying to let go
You keep pulling me back
I don’t want to hurt anymore
I’m trying to see my future without you
You keep pulling me back
I’m sitting here
With regret and frustration.
But deep down I know it’s you I want.
You may not be what I need.
But that’s between me and God.
You came in my life
When I was ready for love
When I needed someone
I was so ready to give up
But the way you stepped to me
Stop me in my tracks.
But you turned out to be a tornado
Destroying everything
From my walls
That been up for the past few years
I’m losing the battle
And I can’t have that.
You keep pulling me back
I’m trying to fight my feelings
My heart
Isn’t having it.
My head is saying run
I’m stuck
In my feelings
I’m trying to come to terms
With my emotions and let’s just say
You making it easy to turn my back
And walk away.
But I know deep down
I can’t just walk away
Without expressing how you make
Me feel.

8.7.19

~PJ

I have been writing a lot lately and here is one of my pieces just finish last night. Do enjoy and let me know what you think. God Bless

Posted in 2019, God, Heart, Love, poem, Poetic, Poetry

Patient

Me Praying God this man doesn’t make a fool of me.
Asking God spare my heart just in case
Telling my future self love is worthy
I’m more than enough
Encouraging my sister’s self-love the way to go.
Never losing ourself to someone who never saw our worth.
Taking time see what’s right in front of us.

7.22.19

~PJ~

I know still have an update to do, but got encourage to write short poem. Do enjoy and God Bless

Posted in 2019, AWARENESS, chronic illness, Health, Heart, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Hello, and Welcome back to my world. What a day I had. What I hate about doctor offices is to wait. I did mention had an appointment both days. Let’s just say Monday was a waste of time and gas. They went prepared for my arrival and didn’t want to see me because they didn’t have paperwork from the hospital, which I didn’t understand. You knew about for over two weeks. Always away from that. I arrive on time for both appointments. They did apologize but still, I was not happy. You are my primary doctor so it wouldn’t kill you to finally see me in person. Nope, I see my other doctors more then I see primary. Haven’t even met her yet. Yea something wrong with that pic big time. My sickle cell doctor was the most important for me to see. I had called in the week before explaining to them what had happened when I was in the hospital. I wanted blood work and wanted my results. She set everything up for me. Soon as the appointment was over went next door to the hospital to get labs drawn from my port. So back to my appointment, hadn’t been seen since Feb. She was like you good. I know I haven’t mentioned here before. I have changed my diet. I went keto and it has helped me a lot. Kept me out of the hospital. Lost over 60lbs. When on chemo meds for my sickle cell I had gained weight and couldn’t lose it. Then the new meds for sickle cell. It was making my head and back hurt. And I couldn’t deal so I stopped it. I had to first help myself and I have done just that. I honestly did my research for about 4/5 months before I went for it. I don’t have a gallbladder. Anywho back to my appointment.she check my heart and says sounds good. She asks me about meds she wanted me to start last time for my kidney. Told her I hadn’t started it yet. Since my body is doing overtime then a person without sickle cell. So she changes the mg since I’m smaller and started it last night. Never happy about trying a new medicine. So next visit we will see how everything looking. I’m putting it in God’s hand that everything is good and I won’t have to take it forever. I was glad I didn’t have a long wait for a tech come do my port. She was a nice woman and we talk while she did it. I always like to get to know whoever is dealing with me. I hate for my port get infected. I finally got my result around 5 and no new antibodies praise God. White counts were good. Retic little high but it’s be expected since my counts 7.6. It’s the best but it for sure not the worse. Praise God. Also, find out my bones in my back are deteriorating. It explains a lot when I’m going into crisis. Just a few days ago, I couldn’t move because I was hurting so bad. I read other sickle cell patients having the same problem. But so wasn’t expecting I had it. With so many people dying from my illness. I want to share my illness with y’all. Until next time pray everyone doing good. Stay Bless

Posted in 2019, fight, Heart, poem, Poetry, Strength, strong

Staying Away

I’m staying away.
I refuse to hear any bad news
My heart
Can’t seem to grip reality
I know I need to be strong
But my body won’t let me
I gotta stay away.
My heart can’t take bad news.
I’m believing you
Going to make it
Your strong woman.
You won’t give up.
I can’t see you in that bed.
So many times i
Wanted to pick up the phone
And hear your voice.
Always had some kind
Of excuse not call.
I wish I had called more.
Came around more.
I just know
You coming home soon
I’m sorry.
I didn’t do right by you.

5.7.19

~PJ~

I wrote this a few hours before got the news she passed away. Still, so hard believe she truly gone. God Bless

Posted in 2019, Heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetry

To be healed

I had to wait for my heart to heal.
I had to forgive myself
I had to learn to love me again
I never realize the hell you took me
Through
I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror.
I hated everything you took me through
I had to wait for my heart to heal
Boy you broke me
You destroy everything I was.
I had to learn to love me again
I had to have chat with myself
Teach myself you are worthy
I had to show myself
Who I was
That I was worthy
To be love
Boy
You showed me how strong I could be
Once reality kicked in.
I saw me returning to the strong woman
I once was.
I just had to wait
I had to learn to forgive myself
I just had to wait
To my heart heal
And I felt my worth
It was amazing
Feeling
To know my worth
To be loved
The way I loved you.
It’s an amazing feeling
To be healed

4.27.19

~PJ~Day 27. Feels good to express myself more and more after not writing for almost 2yrs. Do enjoy God Bless