Posted in 2018, family, fight, Love, Mother, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Pray, Trust

A mother

What’s a mother.

I may not be one yet, but I do know

What one is because what my mother shows me every day.

Trust we may not get along all the time.

But one thing for sure she never turns her back on her kids.

A mother

Prays for you

Teach you right from wrong

Love you

Be there for you no matter how bad you mess up.

A mother you say.

Visit here and there

Isn’t what make you a mom.

Saying I love you but not

Doing what you should for them

Yea they say you carry them

But are you raising them?

Are you showing them the correct way how to be a mother?

A mother huh?

Can you remember a time

You stayed up with them through

Night.

Maybe sitting at the kitchen table trying figure out a math problem.

A mother job is never done.

Walking out on your kid/kids

Because things got rough.

You were dedicated to the streets then

Your babies.

A mother

Isn’t you.

But hey I’m a sit back and watch

Things unfold.

A mothers love is

Unbreakable.

To be one.

You need to learn love like

No other.

Fight like it’s your last breath

Take that last mile

To show them

I love you.

9/24/18

PJ

Not really finish yet. Seems to be missing something.

Posted in 2011, 2018, AWARENESS, fight, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Scar

My scars
Tell a story
Some may think
Im addict
Im not Feenin
For drugs
Im Feenin
For nomore pain
My scars
Tells a story
Of me fighting
Sickle Cell Disease
My life
Is not yours
God gave me
This life
To share it and hopefully
Educate the World
On my illness
My scars
Tells a story

12/13/11

PoeticJourney

 

I have shared this poem before and wanted to share it once again. This month is sickle cell awareness month.  With so many of us dying each and every day. I had to the need to share it one more.

 

Posted in 2018, Cancer, change, Christian, Faith, family, fight, God, Update

Update

Hey, and Welcome to my World. Where should I start, I have tried doing update post since October when I got sick and ended up in the hospital for over a week. I even tried before the holidays. Almost had another hospitalization but I push through it. Two years ago in 2016, we got news my dad has cancer. What a blow to us. Many things ran thru my mind. Was severe was I going to lose him. How will we handle this as a family? It was a rough year and we made it. Two different treatment, the first one wasn’t helping. The second one well I did for a while made it smaller but when he went to check up at hospital nothing has changed. He on blood thinners but since he seems to be losing more blood they change his doses. Hope it helps. His getting transfusion every other week for past few months. Y’all know I know about them when dealing with sickle cell. I’ll make a separate post on me later on. I have learned so much about this blow. No matter what get throws at you. You can make it with faith, prayer. Things get rough but never give in to devil evil tactics. Some days my dad reminds me of me when I have to push myself when I’m hurting. I see aggravation at times, motivation to get better and fight. The different things we go through when dealing with health issues. We not only got hit with cancer, we also got hit with him having heart problems. Not just one blow but two. God knows how slow you down at times. Going end it here and hopefully finish with rest of update. Pray all is well who reads this. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, Journey, Life Lessons, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Inside my journey

https://www.statnews.com/2017/09/18/sickle-cell-pain-treatment/?s_campaign=fb&utm_content=buffer9f7d0&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

September is Sickle Cell Awareness and wanted to share the interview from a fellow warrior who experiences same crap I do and many others. Thank You for coming along for my journey. God Bless

Posted in 2017, fight, Journey, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Update

Good Morning,

Hey World, it’s been awhile since I posted.  I have been resting and spending time with family as well as clearing my head with different things going on. August wasn’t a good month for me. I had to make er visit and let’s just say it wasn’t good whatsoever. Had doc appointment following week. Er, visit what can I say, it was hell. They wouldn’t access my port, are oxygen is given me fluids. I got stuck like 6 times just so they could get my labs. I got a pain shot and let’s just say it didn’t work. Finally, after waiting and being in pain they wanted to access my port and give me fluids.  Retic was high but counts was somewhat OK and not truly explaining why i was in the pain I was in.What the hell. I rather suffer then step foot in er.  The following week my counts wasn’t good. If they had did they job right the first time. I decided to tough it out because I’m never prepared when i have doctor appointments.I didn’t think my post on rant and frustration got much attention. But wow Twitter and here has been going off and on. I guess my words are reaching people. September is sickle cell awareness month, I have been debating on sharing. Frustration knows how to get you. I got tired of reading are hearing another sickle cell warrior has died. I even got to the point I didn’t want get close to anyone else. Yes, I know we all have die.  Coming to term to enjoy life, and not worry about death. I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Death, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Rant and frustration

Hey world, 
And welcome to Poets Afterthought, as you all know especially the ones been with me a long time my name was a poetic journey, it’s still my journey. I have sickle cell and been dealing with it all my life. But im truly tired of how we get treated when we go to the Emergency room. Some doctors shouldn’t have a license to treat patients, same goes with nurses. I done had my fair share. I usually keep quiet and don’t say what truly go thru with when I go. I’m just sick and tired of us dying because they believe oh she\he look good. Oh, they count fine, send them home. Basically so we can die and never be seen again. I could go on with the mistreatment we receive. I rather suffer at home than put up with bullshit doctors and nurses.  I know by doing that I’m only hurting myself. I was watching video yesterday and it broke my heart, we have lost another warrior. We are not getting proper treatment. Point blank, we basically get screwed. Some times I have waited over 6 plus hours in the waiting room just to be seen. Plenty time for us get worse and die. I done waited a long time as well in the room after been call to back, so I could be seen by a doctor. Hell, half the time they run around chatting and joking with one another. I think it’s ridiculous for me to have been half dead are near death for them to do they damn job. I’m sick and tired of the mistreatment. If only they knew what we feel they would have more compassion. Just find out we lost another person. Some of these doctors and nurses still think it’s black disease but it’s not. I had to get blood work recently and had to get port access. One tech who they love call to try and stick me, knows I’m a hard person. Well, she just told me in my file it says to access my port. I’m wondering why these idiots not trying to do their job correctly, but rather put me thru more bullshit than my body can take. It’s sad when you have to pray that you’ll have a compassion doctor to actually do what need be done. How are we going fight when it seems the ones who suppose help us is letting us die. 

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, God, Health, Mini Update, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Day 1, Living With Sickle Cell

Good Evening, I decided to make E.R visited yesterday since the pain wasn’t letting up. My mom actually pushes me to go, so they could give me some fluids and oxygen. Let me tell you I was thankful the doctor I like was working. He actually knows a lot about my illness so that’s a plus. My counts weren’t too bad was in middle 8’s, with an 11 for the retic, which let me know why I was hurting the way I was. With two doses of meds, my pain wasn’t moving. I didn’t catch it in time and that’s nobody fault but mine. I have been resting every since I got on the floor, let me just say probably slept 5 or 10 mins be honest. I can’t rest like I want when I’m hurting. I have been having chest pains on and off over the past week. So he made sure to do an x-ray to make sure I didn’t have an acute chest. I’m hoping and praying these a short stay. I have a nice doctor, she had to change my orders how often I get meds before seen me. That meant so much to me. She took the time out to read my orders and what was done last time I was admitted. I got some good nurses as well. Loving with these disease has taught me a lot. Taught me how to pick up on signs and what not to do when it’s already too late. I was getting upset with myself yesterday cause nothing was touching the pain. I thought I was doing everything right, but it doesn’t matter if you do what need be done. It comes with vengeance over of body. Sorry cut these short, but I’m getting tired hopefully I can get some rest. Truly means a lot if Y’all can keep me in your prayers and thoughts. Until next time, pray every one of you all is well. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, fight, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness

Sickle Cell Awareness


Today is World Sickle Cell Awareness Day. Every day is sickle cell awareness day to me. Go out and get tested, as well as go out donate blood of you can. God has truly blessed me to be still alive. Living with these disease has taught me so much about life and prayers. Today I’m not feeling my best, but trying stay calm and relax. I just wanted to come on here and share it with you’ll. Too many warriors have died in past few weeks and it truly breaks my heart.

Let’s spread the word, never know who live you may help. It means a lot 

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Cancer, fight, God, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Chemo Meds? (hydroxyurea)

Hello World,

604290265As I mention a few post back about meds they have me on and I would stop taking once again. Every since I  stop taking, I done had less and fewer headaches.  You would think they would have come out with meds just for us sickle cell patients instead of pushing the chemo meds unto us. I done tried these meds like three different times. I am damn if I stay taking it and not feeling my best. I have read the good and bad with the meds. But all I see is the bad, to be honest. This med can cover up the fact you be in crisis by making your levels look good when you not. It can make you lose your hair and also cause you to have cancer. And much more side effects. Oh yeah to top if off you not suppose to touch the meds without gloves, but they want us to take it?  Ding Ding Ding, where the good at people? I don’t see it are either I just don’t care for the good. Some of the so call doctors only want to pump us with meds just to get us out of there faces. Last year I had some problems with E.R doctors. They didn’t want to do they damn job and could have cost me my life. I was seen in E.R over 10 times in one period of a month. My retic was high as I don’t know what came down to it when I was in full blown crisis, my counts were low as heck. I don’t know how I walk in that hospital but I knew for a fact I wasn’t walking out of it the same day. I was so thankful to have good E.R doctor that day. And I was on and off that meds at the time. How am I suppose focus if my head feels like it wants to explode into next week? How do you make time with your family count when all you feel is downright awful? So many questions and not enough answers. I have two doctors that’s, not in my area, but I hate to have travel long way when I’m hurting. Sitting too long in a car is so painful. You don’t have to have a sickle cell to understand where I’m coming from with that.  I have been on Folic Acid since I was young and to be honest, I rarely take that med every day than to take chemo meds that give me more problems than it should. What do you do when you done gave it chance after chance, you throw in the towel with the meds and move on and live your life as best as you can. I’m either nausea all day are drained and just want to sleep. Why not correct a med just for us that may do more good than bad? It’s bad enough we having a fight with our body on the inside, but it would be nice to know someone was out there creating something to help us along this journey to live instead of giving up the fight as so many of us have. It is even nice if someone was creating a cure for it as well. Yes, I know only God can do that, just hurts to read so many losing the fight. Until next time God Bless 🙂

Posted in 2016, fight, Goodbye, Heart, Love, Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Uncategorized

Fight the Feelings…

Fight the Fall

I can see myself falling…

in love with man….

I can’t have…..

I seem to always…

get put in this position….

Why we want what we can’t…

have?

I tell my heart to stay on guard..

because his my weakness…

It’s like diving head first…

and think later…

Why the hell you making me feel..

this way?

I love been free…

without remorse….

I’m screwed…

while you here…

I see myself loving you…

While fighting my heart…

I don’t want love here…

What happen to fun and freedom….

Did I mess up falling for you….

YES!!!

Did I FUCK UP, letting you back..

in my bed?

HELL YEA!!!!

I hate that I let my guard break once again..

When will I learn?

I’m falling and fighting myself?

I so hate…

feeling so confuse…

You cloud my judgement…

I’m over here over thinking..

and still fucked up…

I’m falling..

while fighting regret…

I regret that one last chance to go there with you..

that one last chance to put my feelings in the air..

I regret opening myself to a man who isn’t ready..

I fail to realize to not see I couldn’t control..

how my feelings would react when you walk back in..

How did I let my heart get chip…

dent…

I regret everything that has happen in the past week..

But then again I can’t say…

I really regretted it…

It was meant to happen, so I could open…

my eyes to you..

I was hoping he would open

his eyes to reality…

but as someone brought to my attention..

I fucked that up by being..

unexperienced….

What do we do when regrets seem to take over..

But at the back of your mind..

You screaming…

but words seem to betray you ..

and your emotions is taking over..

~PJ~

Not sure when I wrote it. I just know it was sometime last year. With different things I was going thru, and things other people were going thru. Just put my heart in my work and wrote.  I thought about changing some of the language, but at that point of my life. I was struggling so hope you enjoy..