Posted in 2017, Cancer, Faith, family, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update

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Hey and welcome to my world. It has been awhile since I posted an update on what’s going on. I had doctor appointment Friday morning, and miss it due to a blowout. But thankful we didn’t get hurt.  We got someone to help us change the tire, and then the spare was flat. We had to put air in it and made out a way to tire place, to get the two front ones replace. I was two hours late, and they were gone from the clinic. I was so ticked off since I hadn’t been feeling my best whatsoever. I was glad to get my labs when I call the number they gave me. My counts were so so. I was surprised it was high as she said, but she said it was low for the type of  Sickle Cell, but retic was high. Now I know why I been having the darn headaches I hate. What a way to start your birthday.  I know I mention in few update post on finding a new primary doc, well I have and can’t wait to meet her. I have never had a woman doctor. I had them while in hospital but not as primary or sickle cell doctor. I shall keep you’ll post. My dad had a test the same day I had a doctor appointment to see if the treatments are helping and he just find out Tuesday when he went back for his treatment. Let me tell yall God is truly good all the time. Not just cause he got good news but just cause it has made me realize not to take love ones for granted.  I hope everyone is doing good and in good spirits. Remember to let your loved one’s know you love them before it’s too late.  I know it’s not much of update since my thoughts are everywhere.

 

 

Many Blessings to you all… God Bless:)

Posted in 2012, 2017, heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, My Love Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry

Just Maybe…

just maybe

I’m missing you…

And wanting you back…

Just Maybe…

but I refuse to let you back in

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

I catch myself thinking of you

but I refuse to pick up the phone

and crawl back…

Maybe I’m Missing You….

Do that make me a fool?

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

I’m missing you…

But the lies you told…

was too many…

So many lies told…

So many tears shed…

Maybe…

Maybe…

Just Maybe…

I could be missing you…

Thinking of you…

hoping for  a different outcome

Lastnight..

My heart beating to you…

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

Just Maybe…

I’m Missing You…

10/14/12

~PJ~

Another poem from the past that I would like to add to my love Journey. Do enjoy and let me know what you think. God Bless:)

Posted in 2010, God, heart, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, poem, Poetic, Poetry, Pray

Thru Your Eye’s

I see the man…

God created you to be…

Thru Your Words.

I feel your pain,

and emotions you had

to endure alone.

Let Me …

Heal You.

just these once.

Let Me.

Be Your

Shoulder..

for support.

Thru Your Eye’s

and Word’s

I see the change in you.

Thru Your Action.

I see so much in you.

Your Love…

Your Soul…

Your Heart…

When will you learn..

I’m here for you,

even when things get rough…

I can’t be there for you…

if you don’t open up to me…

Thru Your Eye’s.

you seem to be against the world

on your own…

You lose someone who

can’t take being shut out…

You lose a love…

that never can be replaced…

I don’t think I can let

myself love you anymore…

Everytime..

I give you part of my heart…

You hurt me…

Thru Your Words…

I feel…

but don’t return the love…

Thru Your Eye’s…

I can’t see who

God wanted you to be.

You Lose Some…

You Win Some…

You Lost Me…

because you couldn’t

understand how a real woman

could love you

and be there for you…

Thru My Eye’s

You still hurt from the last one

Thru My Words…

I can’t even seem to care like

I use too…

I have changed so much over the past

few weeks…

Your Love…

use to…

touch me in every way…

Now It can’t even melt

the ice from my cold heart…

Thru My Soul…

I’m done with the

back and forth…

I pray you made it where God

Want you to be…

Let the next woman…

guide you thru your

hard times…

Let me hear about it…

And..

Not take it with you…

Thru My Words…

I’m done with you…

No lost love…

No Nothing…

Let My Actions…

Speak Louder Than Ever…

“Boom Boom”

Justice Bn Serve…

Poetic

12/26/2010

God Bless

A poem I wrote years ago and wanted to share it with you all.  I believe it’s good to see how far you come with writing. I can’t believe it been that long since I wrote this piece on here. The poem will be dedicated to love journey. Do enjoy and God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Cancer, fight, God, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Sickle Cell Awareness, Update

Chemo Meds? (hydroxyurea)

Hello World,

604290265As I mention a few post back about meds they have me on and I would stop taking once again. Every since I  stop taking, I done had less and fewer headaches.  You would think they would have come out with meds just for us sickle cell patients instead of pushing the chemo meds unto us. I done tried these meds like three different times. I am damn if I stay taking it and not feeling my best. I have read the good and bad with the meds. But all I see is the bad, to be honest. This med can cover up the fact you be in crisis by making your levels look good when you not. It can make you lose your hair and also cause you to have cancer. And much more side effects. Oh yeah to top if off you not suppose to touch the meds without gloves, but they want us to take it?  Ding Ding Ding, where the good at people? I don’t see it are either I just don’t care for the good. Some of the so call doctors only want to pump us with meds just to get us out of there faces. Last year I had some problems with E.R doctors. They didn’t want to do they damn job and could have cost me my life. I was seen in E.R over 10 times in one period of a month. My retic was high as I don’t know what came down to it when I was in full blown crisis, my counts were low as heck. I don’t know how I walk in that hospital but I knew for a fact I wasn’t walking out of it the same day. I was so thankful to have good E.R doctor that day. And I was on and off that meds at the time. How am I suppose focus if my head feels like it wants to explode into next week? How do you make time with your family count when all you feel is downright awful? So many questions and not enough answers. I have two doctors that’s, not in my area, but I hate to have travel long way when I’m hurting. Sitting too long in a car is so painful. You don’t have to have a sickle cell to understand where I’m coming from with that.  I have been on Folic Acid since I was young and to be honest, I rarely take that med every day than to take chemo meds that give me more problems than it should. What do you do when you done gave it chance after chance, you throw in the towel with the meds and move on and live your life as best as you can. I’m either nausea all day are drained and just want to sleep. Why not correct a med just for us that may do more good than bad? It’s bad enough we having a fight with our body on the inside, but it would be nice to know someone was out there creating something to help us along this journey to live instead of giving up the fight as so many of us have. It is even nice if someone was creating a cure for it as well. Yes, I know only God can do that, just hurts to read so many losing the fight. Until next time God Bless 🙂

Posted in 2017, Cancer, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update(doctor appointment)

                
      Good Afternoon World,

 What a day, had wait an hour to be seen. That’s one of the reason I hate doctors offices, you hardly ever seen when you suppose to be seen. But honestly I can understand when you go to oncology/hematology doctor. They see so many patients, many cancer patients on top of what I have. I know some maybe getting bad news and some maybe getting good news. My heart goes out to the one’s who receiving devastating news. Today was sorta good day. My counts were 8.3 and 24. I haven’t been that high in a while. It might be from the meds that suppose to help me have less crisis, but I can’t handle them headaches with the pills. I just have to stick with my Folic Acid.  Besides I have been cutting back on a lot of things. So whose say I truly need that meds. I hate reading story of woman losing they hair to the meds.  Some even had to shave they head and go natural. Me on the other hand I’m already natural and I would hate to have to start over again on my journey. I must admit I love my doctor. I love how he talks about God and come in with good attitude. When you find a good doctor, you know you in good hands. If only he was still in the state of Alabama and not Florida.  It’s cool day here, but nice breeze and weathers. I love it. Not to hot and not to cold. I didn’t get chance see the sun till about around 1. It was gloomy all day. I must admit I might some nice people while waiting. I’m usually jamming and not paying attention to my surrounding,  but t.v no music in ears. Did have a good boom read but still had chance talk different one’s. I believe out of all them was older woman. I’m hoping she got good news, she came out in good spirits, telling different one ‘s bye and speak to them later.  Before she left she said God Bless sweetie and I said it back.  Her strength showed through her character. Well going end post here. I pray you all are well. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, God, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update

Good Morning World,          
I know it’s been awhile since I last posted. I have bn busy trying find new primary doctor, taking care of myself at home without er visit. It hasn’t bn easy, but haven’t been in one, in few months. Before I forget hope everyone enjoyed Easter. And we all know the real meaning of it. So I won’t go there right now. I’m not feeling my best at the moment. I have appointment with m hematology doctor Monday, just trying hold out till then. Pray for me please and thank you. Well good news I find primary doctor and cant wait meet her next month. I’ll make another post on that. Hopefully Monday I’ll have good news on what’s going on with me. Usually my counts drop some. It hasn’t been in 8’s for a few months now. In December I had stop taking meds that would help lessing crisis and E. R visit. I had the worse Christmas ever. I was in bed most of the day. My head felt like it wanted explode. I ran fever as well. I refuse I was going go to hospital another christmas. So when saw sickle cell doctor two months ago, they put me on it again but took it down 3 instead of 4 and lesser doses. I hated the meds years ago and I hate it now. Let me tell you I don’t know how much longer I’ll keep taking it. Right now I’m still having headaches every day. Not sure if it’s from meds are I’m getting sick. I truly have miss blogging. I have started writing again, I take it I have been bitting by writing bug. I can finally express myself the way I should and deserve. I pray all is well with each and everyone on you all. God Bless

Posted in 2017, AWARENESS, Cancer, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update

Good Morning World,

 

I pray all is well with each and everyone of you. It seem I always find my way back later then I would like to blog and check in with each and everyone of you all. We already in month Feb, be over soon. I love that its a short month to be honest.  I really don’t have much to say.  I just bn taking one day at a time and process of still looking for primary care doctor, everytime I think I have one they don’t take me for whatever reason. Since the last I posted my dad have started his treatment. Which is up and down days and he truly believe its helping. Such good news to hear from a love one. God is truly good all the time.  He needs 2 units of blood since last visit for treatment a few days ago. He goes twice a month and come home with it and let it run its course. He such a strong man, but trust even the strongest have they moments. Good be prayed up. I have had two er visit and lets just say the first one went good. The second one not so good. I already hate the hospital that’s closer to me because half the doctor don’t do they job. Just cause they see a black person come in with sickle cell they think the worse. And half do they job, but I plan on doing complaint to take care of that situation. Enough is enough and I do mean enough.  Sad say its not just black disease and till some go back to school and learn how the handle the disease a lot more of us are going to die. Im tired waking up every day and hearing how we lose another warrior. It piss me off. I know we all die but to see they tried get help and to be treated like animals just make my skin crawls.  I believe going to end post here before I work myself up over stupidity. I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all.  Hope to check in real soon to catch up on comments and blog post. Thank you all for staying with me and for the one’s that just join and I know I havent bn posting much.

Posted in 2017, Cancer, Faith, Health, My Journey, Prayers, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update 


Hello World,
It’s bn few days, bn taking things and life slow. As I mention in last post. We find out my dad has cancer. All I know is it serious and I’m not sure just how. I believe and know God has the last say so. I had check up today and counts have drop from 8.8 to 7.5. Doc believe need unit, but I’m not trying have that right now. I bn dealing with headaches and pain lately. I knew it was something but just figure it was the weather. Last time i went er, they did nothing and I was running fever and coughing and whatnot, but since everything looks fine to them sent me home. Smh. I hate when people don’t so they job and think just cause counts fine nothing wrong. Well obvious they was wrong and probably my stressing didn’t help. The kids went back to school yesterday. So that a plus, we can rest and do more when they away learning.. lol.. omg 2 was and some days with them off. I.must say thankful I’m not parent. I know my blogging hasn’t bn consistent in awhile. But more then ever I need be writing clear my head. I need get back in school and finish my degree. My plan for the summer if I live see it.i hope you all rights well and enjoyed the New Year. I read comments and even some post, but bare with me. GOD Bless

Posted in 2016, God, Journey, My Journey, Update

Update ( Happy New Year)


Hey World,

It’s bn awhile since I check in. Almost new year. Seem like 2016 just came in and now we walking into 2017. I hope you all had good Christmas. I had okay one. Wasn’t feeling my best but was glad be around love ones. Today I received bad news. I’m still trying to come turns with it. I know for a fact it’s time to return writing. I was planning on returning for new year. I know God has the last say so. When I want scream and cry, I need remember give it to God. I know right now I’m not making sense, but coming into new year will be update post. I pray everyone have a good new year. God Bless 

Posted in 2016, Health, My Journey, My Life, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

Update

Good Evening,

 

wp-1458744164813.jpgI pray all is well with each and every one of you. I hope y’all having a good Holiday. I know I been away a lot. Every time I think I’ll return, something comes up with my health. I have bn having crisis in my hands for a month now. I’m right-handed and that’s the hand that been giving me trouble lately. I did have a good Thanksgiving. I know awhile back I had mention a death in the family and soon after we lost someone else. Its heartbreaking when you lose you child by another person hands. I wont go into detail about it.  Ended October I was admitted, I was really sick. COunts had dropped tremendously . I haven’t bn that bad in over a year. I couldn’t walk and lets just say not talk either. I did a lot of crying and screaming. I was in hospital for over a week and few days. I can’t tell you when the last time my sickle-cell had me down that long. Im pretty sure if I read thru my blog It would let me know.  I had to have two units of blood, I was running fevers but no infection so they say. Im just so thankful I got the blood. It had bn awhile since I had blood. Im thankful for that. God is truly good all the time.  Im hoping to be back soon if not before year out. Making 2017 my year . I miss blogging and writing as well.  Thank God for voice..   I hope to fill y’all in with more update soon. Right now Im in process of looking for new place.  So we all know how that can be. I hope to catch up on blogs . I have read each and everyone of your comments, just haven’t had the time to accept and comment back.  I love the holiday to be able to spend with my family. Thanksgiving and Christmas. Christmas I love the movie I get to see since end of October.  I spent the whole week of thanksgiving with my love. She is growing up so fast. where does the time goes. Im hoping to return to my love journey post very soon. I so miss them but have bn saving my thoughts to share with you all. Im hoping be able to try to get something publish in the new year, only God knows.  Until next time I pray all is well with each and everyone of you all.  Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays. Please do be safe and remember to let your love one know you love them every chance you get. Never know when its your last time on Earth. I don’t know it seem like every time someone look around someone losing someone. So I had mention it. God Bless