Posted in 2013, Christ, God, Love, Love Journey, My Journey, poem, Poetry

Not looking back

Something tells me were not meant to be anymore..
I’m strong enough not to cry anymore…
Tears wont bring you back to me..
I tried to hold on to something that wasn’t meant to be…
Who am I kidding?
I know my worth?
I’m a CHILD OF GOD!
I should be treated so much better…
I shouldn’t have to wait …
To you make time for me…
Idk why I’m doing this to myself. ..
I may love you…
You may care..
Doesn’t mean we need to be a couple …
I need to be myself…
Find myself in CHRIST..
Right now I’m lost …
Blind by your misguided trust .
I have to do this on my own..
I know my FATHER wont abandon me..
I know my value…
I pray you know yours …
I’m not looking back…
Its time move on…
Closing the chapter of us..
And preparing myself
For someone worthy
When I’m ready…
11/22/13
PJ

I have had a lot on my mind lately. Wanted to share it with you all. Dedicated it to Love Journey, do enjoy it. Let me know what you all think. My friend (Red)http://glimpsesofred.wordpress.com/, gave me the title to my poem, she is on my blog roll if you would like to visit her blog.

Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in Faith, God, Health, My Journey, poem, Poetry, School, Sickle Cell Anemia, Update

My Story

Has taking me places I never thought it would be going.

Only honesty can get me out of this right now

So to my kind followers

Lately I have been losing

courage to share my JOURNEY

with you all.

It seem like I’m ready to throw

in the towel and ready to give up

All I want to do is cry,scream,yell

and hide under the covers in

the dark!

This is My story

2/22/12

PoeticJourney

I was going to put it in a poem, but I decided to just make it in a post to put all my thoughts in it! I hope you all brought your cup o joe and something to snack on as I share a little or should I say a lot with you. As of lately I have been in pain every single day since las Thursday! I enjoyed the few days of no pain.  Seems my blood count is looking good so they wont keep me. Sighs! I done read stories of other sickle-cell patients that in pain every day of they lives, but honestly that have never been me. My heart always went out to them, and broke. Yesterday I had one of my weak moments and just broke down and cried out and just wanted to be out of my misery. I know GOD got a purpose for me, I know he’ll take me out this WORLD when his ready! I’m just glad my blood count is looking good, but not happy about the pain I’m having and wish and praying that it will all go away. My doctor appointment didn’t go well if you all is wondering. His worry and I’m worry, his really want to get me into seen a sickle-cell doctor ASAP! So we can see what’s really going on with me. I feel like his giving up, and I know I wanted to give up. I just don’t want to since no one giving up on me or I get that vibe of them doing that. But I do understand if he can’t do anything for me I should see a doctor that can see whats really going on with me. I have good and bad moments. I have to tell you, I’m actually taking my time with this post. My classes have started again today, I thought I had another week but I do need something to take my mind off my pain. I even started playing Farmville on Facebook again, to pass time. I should read one of my novels I recently bought. I have done a lot of catching up on different blogs. Okay back to the point of my blog. I don’t want you all thinking I want pity, because that not what I’m about.  I never imagine MY JOURNEY would be rollercoaster, but GOD knew, so I’m going along with it! Some days I might not have much to share and some days I might have a lot to share. I actually have a class I have to retake because of being so sick last semester. Sucks, but for some odd reason I rather take it over then just make up the stuff I haven’t done.  After this semester I’ll be off to the FALL. Hopefully I have my illness in check and you all wont hear about me been in the hospital so much. I seem to be everywhere in this post once again. Lastnight I got so upset with the nurse, but she explain herself to me afterwards. I just want people to understand I HATE HOSPITAL/DOCTOR OFFICE/. I had a few good nurses last night, that took real good care of me. The nurse explain to me that I have so much going for me and she wants to know whats going on with me because she is use to take care of sickle-cell patients and she know I never use to come in as much as I have been coming in. I don’t blame her for thinking like that, but its a way to show someone you care so they can see where you coming from. I hope that made sense. Now I see what many sickle-cell patients go through when people think that addicted because they come to the hospital so often, hell if that was the case I would just go drop off all my prescription I have in my room and get them fill. I’m allerged to pretty much everything, so only can take one thing. Hmmm, and they keep giving me darn prescription for stuff I don’t like. Yes, I’m serious. Anyways away from that nonsense.  I’m so thankful for the encouragement and prayers, truly mean so much to me. You all just don’t know how much it keeps me going at times. 🙂 I know I’m not alone on this JOURNEY! I will not give up the fight, I’m trying to be more of ADVOCATE, something I truly always wanted to be. I know I keep tell myself I’ll do post explain what my illness is, do bare with me. I haven’t forgotten.

I haven’t lost my FAITH, not letting the devil get the best of me either. I know we all go through different things in life. I see my illness has been one of them as of right now. No limits to what GOD can do for me and any of us! God Bless 🙂

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Posted in AWARENESS, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Where should I begin, I haven’t been feeling good ever since last week. I had a little trip to E.R they didn’t keep me because well my count wasn’t low enough! Go figure right? Shrugs!  I started feeling better, but you know the saying calm before the storm right? Early Sunday Morning, it hit me hard and like a ton of bricks. I felt it in my legs,arms,back,etc. I smile when I wanted to cry, took plenty hot showers and bath just to feel a little relief. I had forgotten about bengay, it came to me in dream last night. I’m trying to hold out going back to hospital because of school, semester ends tomorrow. I have to be honest, I haven’t done any homework, every time I tried the pain go bad, sounds bad or like I have excuse not to finish my homework. I’m so ashamed, but if you ever felt bad you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m so thankful for all the prayers and encouraging words, truly have touch me. I have one of the worse headaches, i don’t know how long I done had it. I’m just glad my back isn’t hurting, because it was painful to move or get up once I did sit down. I could go on and on with this post, but I do have to tempt to get some more homework done, but I do know for a fact if I’m not feeling better in the morning, I’ll be at the hospital dreading it all!  I must admit this is the worst I have felt since going into crisis and sharing with you all lovely people. I believe when I got introduce to the ideal of blogging about my illness,I was just starting out really to blogging here. It was bad then, and it’s not pretty now. So on that note, I hope everyone is having a lovely and bless night! God Bless 🙂

Posted in Death, God, poem, Poetry

Sad News

Sad news around me

I heard you pass away

the way you left the world

is so heartbroken

God

Bless your soul

I wish you would’ve

thought and prayed to

God

before you took your life

Sad News

I’m sorry to hear

she lost the fight

I know it was her time

to go home to be

with her creator

I’m not going to say don’t

cry

I’ll be fool to tell you

not to mourn

Sad news

Can we all bow our heads

today and hold the one’s

in pain in our thoughts

Sad News

You left us

I pray you at peace

You left so many love one’s

behind.

Sad News

I lay in bed thinking

what could possess

him to choose the

cowards way out

Only God knows

The devil is busy

Sad News

she live a good & long

life.

I know she at peace

with our Dear Lord

2/2/2012

PoeticJourney

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Yesterday  I receive news someone had pass, I know if many reading the poem, you probably already know who I’m talking about. And not to long ago heard from a friend whose mother lost the fight. Do continue to keep them in your prayers. God Bless 🙂

Posted in God, Love, poem, Poetry, Relatonships

Child Of God

Down on my knees crying out

Lord knows I felt like

it was the end of the

WORLD

with broken heart

He told me to get up

and wipe my tears

away

My love isn’t worthy

I’m not ready for Love

Please don’t cry

Baby

I never thought it would

get this far

Im not worthy of you

You have a heart of GOLD

and you deserve so much

more.

Everytime I look into your

eye’s.

I see the Worth of you

and I regret all the lies

I told you

Baby

Don’t cry

I’m not worth your tears

please dry your face and take heed

to the words coming from my

mouth

I’m sorry but you deserve

so much more than me

I came into this relationship

base on lies, only looking

for one thing

But I saw the real you,

and I knew you were protected

Stop right there

don’t cry

Dry your tears and listen

You don’t deserve to be

treated like your nothing

Your more than I can give you

Your A Child Of God

1/23/12

PoeticJourney

 Thank Gabby & Everyone for helping me choose the title I have above! truly meant to a lot to me that so many have  help! God Bless 🙂

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Posted in God, poem, Poetry, Prayers

Thank You All

Lastnight I heard from a friend

I have been praying for

I knew deep down in

my heart

her mother had lost

the fight

I was praying

she would have more time

when I finally got

a reply she told me

her mother had

pass away Friday!

My heart broke

God

Be with them,

through the

trying times

My heart cried

she touch my heart

when she said my(our) prayers

help a great deal

All I could do was cry

Thank You all for praying for my friend, please do continue for them. God Bless You All

1/30/12

PoeticJourney

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I can’t add anymore,very emotional but wanted to let you all know I’m so thankfully for all of your prayers, but do continue to pray for her family and many of them in the same situation as my friend. Or maybe be in that same situation soon. I love when we pray, because I don’t have to put no names in it when all of you lovely people pray for so many that in need. God Bless