I don’t know where or how to start this entry. Been a good friend, can get you in predicaments that have you wondering how did I get here.
A & B
Mr. A. has become a father a few months ago. I met him years ago when he was dating my younger cousin, who was underage at the time. So the only time to see him, I would have to say we going to spend some girl time together so she could see Mr. A. Me and him have been friends for years, even though they not together anymore. He recently came back into my life almost a year ago in February anyways back to the point of the post. Mr. A has feelings for me, yea shocking I know. I DON’T DATE ANYONE WHO HAS BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP WITH FAMILY MEMBERS OR EITHER FRIENDS. I done told him this so many times, but he not hearing or he don’t believe. we had a conversation last night and he was like i know you thought about it at one time or another. I was like honestly I havent, and truth be told it was the truth. ITS ALL ABOUT RESPECT WHEN IT COMES TO ME. Mr. A has been there for me when I got sick a few years ago. He was at the hospital everyday with me, and when the nurses took to long to come he would go get them. he the only guy every see me cry besides my father and brothers. When I got drunk the first and only time when I was at my rebellish age he took care of me. Watch over me the whole time without trying anything. And let me tell you it wasnt easy job to do. lol I done tried to hook him up with a few other people’s since we known each other. He fell in love with my best friend but was too scared to let her know how he felt, and lost her to his cousin and then finally lost her to someone she shouldn’t have every marry. How do we know if we have a chance with someone if we don’t open our mouth and let it be known how we feel about them. This guy done got ticket for me in the past, when I use to stay in Florida he was coming to see me because we hadn’t seen each other in a long time. Thats how close we was and still is that close to today. I’m slow when it comes to picking up on the feelings. If I’m not into you, I wont notice that you into me. I even dated his cousin who I was digging along time, we had talk before we actually met and seem to have kick it off. Doesn’t matter that we don’t talk nomore, or if the relationship went sour. I choose to stay true myself and true to any friendship/relationship I make on my JOURNEY.
Mr. B has been in my life for a long time as well. His marry and well they going through somethings. Before I get into anymore details. We were together when we was younger, but things didn’t work out, so we both move one. He got marry and I got engage to someone and cut it off for my reasons of course. Anyways he discover me on Facebook. I must say I don’t use my real name on Facebook so how did he find me you ask? We have the mutual friend in common and he had been asking about me. Why would a marry man ask about another woman, was the question I ask myself and my best friend. Anyways I debated on adding him on Facebook, so I went for it because well my feelings for him had been dead a long time ago. We stayed in touch through messages on Facebook then move from that to texting and then talking on the phone. Hold on now, we never talk on the phone while his marriage was going good, well I thought it was good. I decided to check my Facebook status of all my friends and his caught my attention. I was like whats going and it wasnt showing that he was marry anymore. So I tried to help him out by been a good friend and telling him to make it work out. I didn’t know the whole story what was going on, meaning he didn’t tell me everything when I was in the hospital back in September. I find out more once I got out the hospital and I was like I’m sorry to hear and whatnot. He haves a little girl int he mix of all this drama that’s going on. So right now he done with trying to make it work, for whatever reason. Don’t want to go all in detail with his business. I recently told him I would be here for him, because hey I’m a good friend and I know what it mean to have someone you can count on. He done caught feelings and I can honestly say I care for him like a friend. Seems I get myself caught up in all this mess when I try to be nice or help a friend who needs someone.
The point of the post is I need advice or in put or should I call it feedback. Whatever sit right with you. I can give advice to someone all day but it seem like I can’t give myself advice when I need it. I honesly don’t see how I got myself stuck in this situation. IF you wondering have I tried been mean to them, let me tell you! Yes, I have and it doesn’t get me nowhere. Iff you wondering if I know how to be mean, trust and believe I do. Maybe I should’ve made this into a poem instead! Probably would’ve been everywhere in that as well. Oh yea please do look over my typo’s. I would love to hear what the guys have to say if they get inspire to tackle this post.
Poets Afterthought 
You are a nice person, and beautiful too. Because of this guys will always come to you, on the rebound or otherwise. Though your intentions are good remember guys deal with emotional turmoil by rebounding most of the time. You are also too nice in that you don’t always shoot people down when they are being awkward or infringing on the boundaries of a relationship.
Trying to be mean and being blunt honest are two different things. Being mean can be picked as a mood swing and guys don’t even consider that when they want something, blunt words stick in them and they will know that what is said cannot be altered.
The question to ask from a guy to a girl is whats your emotional take in this. Though its visible to me you need to firstly say it to yourself and then you will see how best you can deal with this situation because if you are not aware of what you feel in plain simple words there is no way you can put the situation to check.
Also not picking up on intentions is very dangerous because by the time you do someone e.g people like me who have studied in our spare time stuff like human behavior, mind manipulation and suggestible hypnosis would have messed with your mind and emotions so bad you wont know what you really feel and you will easily fall into whatever trap the person has weaved for you. This is real talk, it has happened enough in my life and that’s why i dug to discover how it works and its a dangerous tool.
You always need to be aware of what peoples intentions are, not having an intention is in fact an intention because that means that the first suggestible intention will most likely be taken. Be observant dear, it will save your life with some of the guys in existence these days. Intentions are always written wide on a face, eyes, movement of facial muscles, body language and words lying in-between words that are said.
But on a lighter note, Mr A. infringed on the boundary of a relationship and if you are not comfortable you must shoot him down straight up and tell him to either get back inline or ship out. Being there for you in tough times and through the madness called life is no leverage for breaking boundaries that should not be broken. The answer to if the boundary should be broken is one i asked earlier, whats your emotional take in all of this?
Mr B. rebounding is in point blank range here.Though your emotions for him died down, emotions don’t die easy in guys. I am speaking from experience, took me 9 years to totally let go of emotions i had for a girl i was in junior school with. What happened here was that you got together and you broke up and you moved on but he didn’t and he got married and life went on and stuff happened and he broke it off but emotions for you still existed and though they may not be conscious, they are subconscious and all it will take is a picture of you or something and i assure you they will come back hot within a day.
Your statements to him are not clear, set boundaries or else they will be misconceived on every turn. Guys who are on a rebound can misunderstand intentions without much effort. hope i helped 🙂
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Russell,
Thank you for stepping to the plate and giving me feedback. You so right about the mean and been blunt. I should’ve said that, but either way if Im blunt they still don’t seem to get it. I don’t know if that make sense or not. I have always been blunt person,thats why some things I say may come out without thinking. But you have made some good points and I have a lot to think about, and you have help me out a lot. You honestly blew my mind with your long reply you left me, so I know I have to read this comment again. God Bless 🙂
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just experiences from my life, have to share them when they are required 🙂
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Well I’m glad you decided to share! I was wondering when I would see you in this thread again! lol
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Russell, your input is valuable. I know who to talk to when I have guy problems. 😀
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Girl, you and me both will be going to him with questions. lol
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anytime shade, anytime
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Yeah with Mr. B, I think that you have to cut off communication with him completely. I agree with what Russell has said and it’s always great to hear it from a guys perspective. I know who to holla at later Russell when I have guy problems. lol. But on a serious note, I really don’t think you should be communicating with Mr. B because sometimes, even though you have “good intentions” by “helping a brotha out”, you open doors to potentially have a relationship that could lead to disaster. Curb the ENTHUSIASM.
Also, Russell brings a good point about rebound guys. Recently I revealed to Brandon that I was in a situation that I liked a guy for 7 years and told him and we were friends but I didn’t know that he got married a few years ago. He completely failed to reveal that and yet he played with my emotions because he could tell that I liked him. It made me look like I was a homewrecker when I told him how I felt. I was shocked, disgusted and wounded that he could deceive me all that while. He didn’t want me to find out until my pastor forced him to reveal the truth. By that time it was too late. The damage was done.
Unfortunately, his marriage isn’t going so well and he’s now pursuing me on the rebound after I revealed my affections for him. I have cut off all communication to make it clear to BACK YOUR TRAP BROTHA!!!!!!!!! but he’s now stalking me but has received verbal warnings to leave me alone. He’s still married and now wants to have a relationship with me which is adultery. I’m not gonna “help a brotha out” in this situation, because 1) I’m no HOMEWRECKER,,, 2) I don’t believe in divorce and 3) I don’t want a cheater in my life. If he can cheat on his wife without a second thought….he can definitely repeat. I feel sad for his unhappy marriage, but I will not help him since he chose his path…sometimes we can add to the problems and get caught into a devious web if we open the doors for these things to happen. I know it’s a complicated story but do you see what I’m saying here? Don’t open doors for such messes because you’re not helping the person by doing so. Cut him off your facebook communication, change your number if you have too just cut him off. He is seeking your attention, and you’re giving him what he wants…do not feed this unhealthy relationship with this communication because he isn’t learning anything about the mistakes he has made because he is using you to distract himself from his own problems.
As for Mr. A, ignore him completely. Don’t allow him to use the past to manipulate you into having an unhealthy relationship with him. He is unstable in his emotions so don’t entertain his affections. I know, I’m pretty blunt….as Russell stated, I’m a “heart-breaker” it seems, but I’m all about true talk girl so I hope you understand where I’m coming from with this. I don’t know if anything I said is helpful….well I tried.
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Wow! I know where you coming and yes I do understand. Nothing wrong with been like that. Mr. A says I don’t show emotions, he knows he can talk about how he feels about me it doesn’t phase me. I just wish his feelings would die completely and not ruin our friendship we have.
Mr.B You and Russell or so right. Even thouggh you have read some of my poems, thats like cut throat, thats how I am still when it comes to the guys. I’m quick to say save the bull crap. But I do plan on making a change when the New Year come in about them both. I rather lose him then loss A. I don’t believe I’ll be hearing from Mr. B for awhile, I done sorta hurt his feelings by been blunt. Sometimes I got to go all hardcore with it, when they don’t seem to pick it up the first time. Hope all this make sense, major headache and I don’t want to take no medication. 😦
The sayinng they always remember the good thing they had, and let it get away. Seem to want to come back to you once you done move on. Sorry to hear how yours end, I was wondering when you was going to share it, I didnt want to push the issue and be all into your business. Girl yes Russell is the go to guy for guy problems. He shock me when I read his comment and help me out, and you help me as well. Not sure if I said Thank You for you feedback, it truly means a lot! God Bless
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I agree with both previous comments. Mr. A is no good, he doesn’t respect boundaries. If you told him you are not interested in him like that, then he’s not understanding it.
As for Mr. B. he needs to resolve his marriage (either fix it or try to work something out for the sake of his daughter), either way, I advise you not to get involved. Rebound or not, it’s not right (or fair) to bring you in the middle of his problems.
Mr. B. needs to get his house in order.
You are a nice person, and they seem to know that (which is why they are coming to you), but you don’t need drama (Mr. B.) in your life, nor do you want to get involved with someone who you’re not interested in that way.
With both guys, I think you need to create some distance–draw that line in the sand.
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Kalley,
Thank you for your comment, I truly like what you had to say, you made some good points as well. Distance is the best thing to do and keep it like that. God Bless 🙂
Shall keep ya’ll posted in the near future.
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I agree with russell and night shade, they both right u need to cut u’re communication to both of them, u’re story about mr.b reminds me of someone who never told me about his real status until I found out the truth, I really feel devastated when I found out the truth that his already married, I am fallen for him but thank God before its too late He made way to woke me up… Just be strong PJ … you can do it…. 🙂
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Aww sorry to hear you had to go through that ordeal Willofheart. I don’t know why peoples want to play games with peoples emotions. All it take is been honest! Thank you for beliving I can do it. 🙂
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Russell and Nightshade gave the best advice, I must say, I agree with them PJ.
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I agree Gabby, they did say a lot of helpful things! 🙂
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Okay, journey, granbee is going to be brief: A is definitely a possibility, B is definitely NOT a possibility. You pretty much answered that yourself in describing your own doubts. Try exploring with A and stay true to your own feelings. Take it easy, no rushing. And guess what? Along might come Mr. C, you never know!
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Granbee,
I like the way you think I would hope Mr. C would come along when the time is right! I know GOD will send him to me when he see fit that I’m ready and not before then. I like brief, definitely nothing wrong with that. Many Blessings to you! 🙂
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It is about respect… I’d say move on… Peace.
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And you said the truth on that! 🙂
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Sorry I’m late, PJ, but it looks like you’ve received wonderful advice from everyone and I tend to agree! And with Granbee adding Mr. C into the mix, well, that’s just the icing on the cake! I don’t know what you’ve decided (need to read other posts), but you sound like you’re very strong; stay strong and be true to yourself and you deserve the best; nothing less, my friend! xx
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Lauren,
Thank you for your kind words, I haven’t did update to the post, because I really just pull myself away from the mix all togetherr. School baack in session, and who knows Mr.C might walk in my life and I have all the nonsense in my life and miss out on the opportunity. I get text from the two guys every day, I speak and make it short. Shrugs its a new yea an I dont’ get time for drama. And yes, I got great advice! WOnderful blogging friends I have… 🙂
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Well, you sound great, PJ, strong, no need for drama in your life; a wonderful attitude! I’m here to listen if you need. Hugs, L 🙂
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Aww thank you 🙂 Sending hugs back your way. Many Blessings!
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