Category: My Journey

Posted in God, My Journey, poem, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia

Dear God Letter

Posted on by poeticjourney

No news is good news so I have been told growing up

I’m waiting on phone call from my doctor nurses about my blood count. Trying to stay positive, I done already had my weak moment & broke down. I’m feeling okay, can’t say I’m at my best. I’m hoping for good news, normally I would have heard back in same day, but never went in on Friday or when it was so busy. And it’s holidays around the corner, not helping the stress.  I’m praying for good news. Long as it’s not 6 or low 7 I’m good. Okay you probably thinking that’s not good, normally it’s not but if you new on my journey I have Sickle Cell Disease. I just want some good news. No news is good news Right? I was always told that growing up but its doesn’t help me feel better.

Dear God

I need you

I know I been coming to you

A lot lately & have so many

Wonderful peoples praying for me.

I’m coming to you for myself.

I’m struggling

I’m scared & and letting it all get

The best of me

GOD

I truly need you

I know we seem to have this talk

A lot lately.

I’m struggling

So many times I though

You abandon me (us)

I thought I was a mistake (illness)

Sometimes I still wish you left him & took

Me.

I know you did the right thing,

GOD

I’m asking for a lot

I really want good news about my

Health

I’m struggling on my JOURNEY

If I have to crawl I will

My pride may let me ask for help

Be the last thing I do

I’m working on changing completely

I’m struggling with Forgiving,

It’s holding me down

GOD

I’m so sorry!

Why is it so hard to let go all the angry

It’s eating me up so unhealthy for me.

DEAR GOD

It’s me PJ

I’m standing here, ready

To fall down at your feet

Sometimes feels like the weight of the

World is on my shoulders.

Master,

I need you

I’m walking holding my arms out

To be closer to you.

I know with you everything going

To be alright.

You’re Loving Child,

PJ

Fighting to make it to the rightful place.

11/21/11

PoeticJourney

I still haven’t heard anything and I had talk with GOD, brought me at ease. So many people’s praying for me I knew it was my time to go come to him with everything. I know he knows my heart, but It feel so much better to have it off my chest. As I said so many times before, I’m not perfect. I’m having a battle, but not giving up. I have been through too much to give up now. That’s with my health and getting where I need to be with GOD!

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Posted in God, My Journey, poem, Poetry, Thankful

No Limits

Posted on by poeticjourney

NO LIMITS

To what God can do

For me

Why Am I

Freaking out & and letting

The devil win

NO LIMITS

THANK GOD

For NO LIMITS

No matter what I’m going

Thru, I can always

Give it to him

NO LIMITS

To what he can do

I let myself break down

I been thru so much

And he hasn’t left me

THANK GOD

NO LIMITS

11/18/11

PoeticJourney

I had a weak moment yesterday, but have been working on this title for a while but I went through ordeal yesterday had got snap back in reality. Thank y’all for your encouraging words and prayers. Truly Blessing. God Bless 🙂

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Posted in My Journey, poem, Poetry, Update

Depression(Doc.Update)

Posted on by poeticjourney

Depression

I’m losing my mind

And maybe the battle

To FIGHT

I never felt like I couldn’t

Just keep going

I’m Down

Crying

Voices in my head

Questioning me,

They know I’m better then this

Riding in the care on the

Ride home

I cried

Only GOD know my pain

And saw my tears.

I plan on balling up in

Bed and sleeping the day

Away.

THANK GOD

For creating paper & pen

Ima need it more now

I’m losing it

I’m scared

I should wait for confirmation

Depression has move in and

I believe coldness has return to

Replace my joyful soul.

Depression

Lives here now

11/18/11

PoeticJourney

More update to my doctor visit, didn’t go so well. Yes I had to get stuck, so I’m waiting on my blood count that’s not why I wrote the poem. I’m really trying not to go into depression. Me and GOD have/is/will be talking. Its always good to talk with him. My doctor wants to know why I have so many different antibiotics and want to check to see if I have any of disease like lupus or whatever. I sort of went deaf ear when he was naming them. I was crush. I’m trying to stay strong. I being through a lot so I can know I can overcome this right?  Also talk about getting a port, still up for debate since I so didn’t know it was surgery. But he said I would be sleep, Okay so I ask him would I be sleep. Lol

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Posted in My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Doctor Appointment

Posted on by poeticjourney

Praying for good news,havent had breakfast. I dont eat what im nervous. I thought about rescheduling I actually pick up the phone to do so and the woman was like its a hospital follow up and he wont be in for several weeks! Light bulb I need to go today, cant afford to put it off! I hate going to my primary care doctor I literally be there for three or more hours! I get bored easily and dont mind walkn out! Goes back to PATIENCE im still working on! Thats a journey in itself to be honest! 🙂 Patiently waiting…. Still waiting must say I never seen so many peoples here! Yes, yes I know its a doctor off. A place for cancer patients as well. I love how its quiet here. I love quietness if ya’ll haven’t figure it out yet! Finally got call to the back! YAY! I know it wont be long now! Praying for no needles, blood, stuck or any unpleastaness. So im a big baby. I be that! Will tell more later. My aunt texting me encouragement and sends her love she touch me and im teary she has bn my rock! God Bless

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Posted in My Journey, poem, Poetry

Dose of Reality

Posted on by poeticjourney

It dawn on me

No matter, how many times

I tell myself I don’t need this,

My body tells my other words.

Dose of Reality

2 Dose in morning

Sometimes 3 or 4

Depends on pain

Another Dose 2 hour later

Dose of Reality

Is starting to settle in

3 Doses before I call it a night

Sometimes 2 or 4

Dose of Reality

Isn’t looking good to me

11/16/11

PoeticJourney

I was starting to get use to the face I was only taking one medication a day. Matter of fact I was loving it. A few months ago crush my little world of happiness. 😦 Oh yea do not think by any mean thats all I take, that the nice side of it all.

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Posted in God, Inspiration, My Journey, poem, song, Thankful

Do YOU

Posted on by poeticjourney

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..
SENSE ME..

DO YOU..
FEEL ME..

AS I FLOAT THRU
UR VEINS?

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..
TAKE ME HIGHER?

IM GOING THRU YOU

I KNOW YOU FEEL ME..

SO..

REACH OUT AND GRAB
HOLD AND NEVER LET GO..

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..

FEAR MY MASTER

DOWN ON MY KNESS..
PRAYN..

MY HEART..
BEATN..

DO YOU..
FEEL IT..

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..

DO YOU…

NEED ME LIKE I NEED YOU

I NEED YOU LIKE ITS MY LAST
DAY ON EARTH..

SO..

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..
SEE WAT IM GOING THRU..

MY BATTLES ARE ALMOST DONE..

MY HEART CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE..

MY SOUL..
ON FIRE..
MY MIND..
IS GONE..

DO YOU..

FEEL MY PAIN…
DONT TORTUE ME..
ANYMORE..

YOU HAVE WON..
SO TAKE IT AND
WALK AWAY..

WHISPERS..

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..

GIVE A CARE THAT..
IM DYIN..

TAKE MY HAND
HEART..
AND LEAD THE WAY..
AND LET ME GO..
YOU CAN’T LIVE..

TAKE MY EYES AND SEE…

TAKE MY JOURNY

DO YOU..
DO YOU..
DO YOU..

UNDERSTAND?

Before you continue: let me apologize, it’s long, I got carry away sorry 🙂

At first it was a poem, but I decided to make it song. I have or had two guys making me beats for it. Let me first say how Thankful I am for Everyone that go out and donate blood. I’m so Thankful for Everyone that have it on their license to be donor. Ya’ll or a Blessing for so many people’s. I recently had a tranfusion and only could get one unit. I can’t even tell you the last time I really got one of them. Okay maybe I can it was a few months ago before I got into blogging. My hemoglobin wanted to be on the safe side, I guess he saw something that I was feeling but wasn’t feeling it was that necessary. Anyways its getting real hard for them to find my blood type. I have never being worry about going to the hospital and not coming back home. In my about me im working on getting a closer relationship with GOD, I’m not perfect, I’m not giving up either. One day I may go in and they may not find my blood, it going to take GOD his self to heal me. It actually happy back in May. I’m a GEMINI baby and little lady if you havent read ADDICTION Or MY EYE”S OPEN is TAURUS. Our birthday is a week a part. I was sick and when I say sick I mean sick. I made appointment to my doctor. My hemoglobin doctor. I have to say his the best. I love a man that loves GOD. don’t get me wrong, you don’t hear to many doctors talking about GOD. I went in because I had a fever, if you touch me I wasn’t normal, then what’s normal about GEMINI right? 🙂 but serious. I was burning up. I was hot and everything. So the doctor did what I hate, get his nurses to take my blood.. 😦 I’m a hard person to stick . So i left the doctor and went to meet my little lady great grandmother I was hosting her birthday party that was in a few days. We was doing last minute birthday shopping.  Thats when my mom get the call on her cell that I need to rush to hospital 😦 Umm if you wondering do I have one of them lovely talky things. Yep! I just write small and they couldnt read my handwritting, thats why I ask people’s can you read that so if they can’t and I’m not hurting to bad enough I will repeat it to them. Anyways  she hands me the phone and I listen to what the nurse tells me. Let me tellyou I wasn;’t happy and I wasn’t going to the hospital. Yes I’m Very Stubborn Person. I had plans for my little lady and I wasn’t going let nothing get in the way. So I walk into WALMART with my mother and I was telling her I can’t get sick, I got to do this for little lady and she was like if I hace to stand in to host I will. Yea she wasn’t helping the matter at hand to be honest. Later that evening I had to go to E.R.  My tempterature was 103.something and it wouldnt go down for a hour. I got there lucky me it still wasnt going down and it was 103. something. They ran test and let me tell you. I’m so getting tired of typing. lol.. The doctor on call came in and was like Ms. P everything looks okay your blood count looks fine. I was so happy. THE BEST NEWS EVER! GOD KNOW HOW TO MAKE A WAY FOR HIS PEOPLE’S!:) I got carry away once again, I’m really trying to work on that, but the point I’m truly making. Oh yea I almost forgot, I never thought about the fact I may never come back home leaving the hospital. I always went in believing in GOD will bring me out. Don’t get me wrong I know we all have to leave the EARTH one day, but we just don’t know when exactly. So lying in hospital bed I was thinking, and then look back over the poem/song I was ready to share with word press.  I have actually read/sing it to a few people and let’s just say it broke they heart because well no one wants to talk about living the world. My goal is to touch someone life while I’m alive and when I’m not here anymore to do the same.  The poem/song is not just from my perspective it’s from anyone perspective that go through the ordeal I go through or anyone else. It’s for the coma patients that can’t talk to us, but want to talk, scream, and yell. It’s for the little ones that don’t know what’s going on because they too young to tell us. It’s for someone that’s leaving us and wishes they had the chance to say it. Okay away from that.  I do have another post after this one.

P.S I’m thankful for anyone who go out donate blood for me and anyone else in my shoe. I told Wandering Mind he was Blessing when I came across a post he did about donating blood or Blood Drive. I have a friend who daughter needed some blood a month ago, so I know she is thankful and they still trying to figure out what’s wrong with her.

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Posted in My Journey, poem, Poetry

Headaches

Posted on by poeticjourney

You come and go

so intense

that you make me run and hide

into the dark

Some call them migraines

and some sinus headaches

I call them pain in my butt

As I lay  in the dark

The throbbing intensifies

bring tears to my eyes

headaches

pain

eruption

bomb

lava

explodes

The way you make me feel

11/12/11

PoeticJourney

In case you wondering with the extra words at the end, umm thats how I feel when I have my headaches. I feel like my head is about to explode. NO JOKE!!!

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Posted in God, My Journey, poem, Poetry

Struggles

Posted on by poeticjourney

Im struggling to come to turns
On how to deal
With the issue
At hand
I have struggle
To fight
I have struggle
To forgive & forget
Im struggling
With the issue at hand
Im crying
Im screaming
Yelling
Im struggling
Please dont give up on me
I struggle
With his death, he was so young
I struggle
With trust,
Believing
All im asking
Is not to give up on me!
God
I need You
I want You
I love how you never gave up
On me
I struggle
With so much
But you never forsake me

11/10/11
Poeticjourney

I actually wrote this while in hospital. The medicine and pain had me thinking! I never though I would want to share so much of me through blogging. I deleted the poem so many times!

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Posted in AWARENESS, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Home

Posted on by poeticjourney

I have being home for some hours, trying to get comfy. You know I had to eat some real food! No place like home, that saying is so true. I have one of my major headaches I been trying to shake since I got home. Laying in dark dont work, or trying sleep it off. Had to take it up a notch with the big guns (medication). Im praying for days I dont have to take so much medication, and days of less pain. Some days I hate to move because hurts that much.

I cant thank ya’ll enough for the prayers. It was rough. So many wonderful peoples praying I didnt need 2 units of blood,no side effect from the blood I receive. I use to have 3 antibodies,now I have more,so its harder to find my blood! God Bless Each And Everyone Of You

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