Posted in God, My Journey, poem, Poetry, Sickle Cell Anemia

Dear God Letter

No news is good news so I have been told growing up

I’m waiting on phone call from my doctor nurses about my blood count. Trying to stay positive, I done already had my weak moment & broke down. I’m feeling okay, can’t say I’m at my best. I’m hoping for good news, normally I would have heard back in same day, but never went in on Friday or when it was so busy. And it’s holidays around the corner, not helping the stress.  I’m praying for good news. Long as it’s not 6 or low 7 I’m good. Okay you probably thinking that’s not good, normally it’s not but if you new on my journey I have Sickle Cell Disease. I just want some good news. No news is good news Right? I was always told that growing up but its doesn’t help me feel better.

Dear God

I need you

I know I been coming to you

A lot lately & have so many

Wonderful peoples praying for me.

I’m coming to you for myself.

I’m struggling

I’m scared & and letting it all get

The best of me

GOD

I truly need you

I know we seem to have this talk

A lot lately.

I’m struggling

So many times I though

You abandon me (us)

I thought I was a mistake (illness)

Sometimes I still wish you left him & took

Me.

I know you did the right thing,

GOD

I’m asking for a lot

I really want good news about my

Health

I’m struggling on my JOURNEY

If I have to crawl I will

My pride may let me ask for help

Be the last thing I do

I’m working on changing completely

I’m struggling with Forgiving,

It’s holding me down

GOD

I’m so sorry!

Why is it so hard to let go all the angry

It’s eating me up so unhealthy for me.

DEAR GOD

It’s me PJ

I’m standing here, ready

To fall down at your feet

Sometimes feels like the weight of the

World is on my shoulders.

Master,

I need you

I’m walking holding my arms out

To be closer to you.

I know with you everything going

To be alright.

You’re Loving Child,

PJ

Fighting to make it to the rightful place.

11/21/11

PoeticJourney

I still haven’t heard anything and I had talk with GOD, brought me at ease. So many people’s praying for me I knew it was my time to go come to him with everything. I know he knows my heart, but It feel so much better to have it off my chest. As I said so many times before, I’m not perfect. I’m having a battle, but not giving up. I have been through too much to give up now. That’s with my health and getting where I need to be with GOD!

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Posted in My Journey, poem, Poetry, Update

Depression(Doc.Update)

Depression

I’m losing my mind

And maybe the battle

To FIGHT

I never felt like I couldn’t

Just keep going

I’m Down

Crying

Voices in my head

Questioning me,

They know I’m better then this

Riding in the care on the

Ride home

I cried

Only GOD know my pain

And saw my tears.

I plan on balling up in

Bed and sleeping the day

Away.

THANK GOD

For creating paper & pen

Ima need it more now

I’m losing it

I’m scared

I should wait for confirmation

Depression has move in and

I believe coldness has return to

Replace my joyful soul.

Depression

Lives here now

11/18/11

PoeticJourney

More update to my doctor visit, didn’t go so well. Yes I had to get stuck, so I’m waiting on my blood count that’s not why I wrote the poem. I’m really trying not to go into depression. Me and GOD have/is/will be talking. Its always good to talk with him. My doctor wants to know why I have so many different antibiotics and want to check to see if I have any of disease like lupus or whatever. I sort of went deaf ear when he was naming them. I was crush. I’m trying to stay strong. I being through a lot so I can know I can overcome this right?  Also talk about getting a port, still up for debate since I so didn’t know it was surgery. But he said I would be sleep, Okay so I ask him would I be sleep. Lol

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Posted in My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Doctor Appointment

Praying for good news,havent had breakfast. I dont eat what im nervous. I thought about rescheduling I actually pick up the phone to do so and the woman was like its a hospital follow up and he wont be in for several weeks! Light bulb I need to go today, cant afford to put it off! I hate going to my primary care doctor I literally be there for three or more hours! I get bored easily and dont mind walkn out! Goes back to PATIENCE im still working on! Thats a journey in itself to be honest! 🙂 Patiently waiting…. Still waiting must say I never seen so many peoples here! Yes, yes I know its a doctor off. A place for cancer patients as well. I love how its quiet here. I love quietness if ya’ll haven’t figure it out yet! Finally got call to the back! YAY! I know it wont be long now! Praying for no needles, blood, stuck or any unpleastaness. So im a big baby. I be that! Will tell more later. My aunt texting me encouragement and sends her love she touch me and im teary she has bn my rock! God Bless

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Posted in School, Update

Update

I’m home, and doing much better than I was. I have little pain every now and then not as bad as it was before I went into the hospital. I’m so glad to be home.   Since I’m home as you can see I want mention days etc as if I was still in the hospital. I don’t want ya’ll thinking I want pity or whatnot. I suppose to be enjoying my weeks off from school, but I have two tests to make up and my final of my Research Paper Due. I do not like the D’s in my English and Psychology class. That’s what zeros’ get you.  So I have to make a doctor appointment with my hemoglobin doctor, I will be making a post about that very shortly so I want go into much detail about it right now. But back in September after I got out the hospital and went to see him I was happy to get good news about not having to see him to the New Year. As we  all know the New Year isn’t here quite yet, so little o’ me have to see him. I see him Friday, so I will have post letting you all know how it go. I hope it goes well, I’m praying it does. I’m asking for prayers, if ya’ll don’t mind praying for me some more. If not I do understand. Oh yea if ya’ll haven’t figure out from my post I hate doctors and hospitals as well as needles and anything to do with it. I only go see my doctor or even the hospital meaning E.R if I’m feeling bad. Yea I know that’s not good in my case. Let me tell ya’ll a secret I don’t like getting stuck, I hate needles. I hate when people don’t know what they doing. I have memories of turning blue, black because they hurt me so bad because they were so careless. I remember crying so bad because I was in so much pain I had young guy come in the room who was also in the hospital and try to calm me down, Let me tell you something it didn’t work. I don’t trust peoples who have needles in their hands. I ask tons of questions. I have only a few nurses I will let touch me and not mess my face up. I’m supposed to be updating ya’ll on how I’m doing and I’m telling ya’ll my experience I see what my adopted daughter means I need to learn to stay on subject. Loll! Well I felt like it was the only chance I would want to tell the story so I had to share it with ya’ll. As I was saying at the beginning of my post doing much better just have the headaches which could be the death of me no joke. They or in painful and the medication they have me on doesn’t do anything for me.  I enjoy the good days or hours while I can

Posted in AWARENESS, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Day 5, Living with Sickle Cell Anemia

Like to thank everyone for praying for me and encouraging words during my unpleasant ordeal.

I get to go home tomorrow so im excited. My blood count drop lastnight so they keeping me another night! 😦 I have to get a new iv since the old one went bad. Hands swoll so badly couldnt hardly talk when my nurse came in the room. God has bn so good to me! A month to be thankful and hey im truly thankful. Hope Everyone Have A Bless Friday! God Bless 🙂

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Posted in AWARENESS, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Day 4, Living With Sickle Cell Anemia

Another Day, still in hospital. Finally got blood yesterday evening. Taked four hours to drip and what not. But it took forever to get in touch with the doctor who approve.sighs! Not sure if im going home today! Feeln a little better then  I was monday. Thank for all the prayers you have bn sending my way. Im praying for good news and that I dont need another Unit of blood! God Bless 🙂

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Posted in God, My Journey, Sickle Cell Anemia

Day 3, Living with Sickle Cell Anemia

Today the day I get my tranfusion. My blood drop 6.2. Not sure what it is right now or if I want to know. Im only getting a unit of blood since they having hard time finding my blood because of the antibodies. Ready to be home to finish my paper and take Final. Im putting it all in God hands. So thankful for each and everyone of you praying for me and the encouragement. I thank God for yall, praying he Bless each and everyone of you. Hope Each And Everyone Of You Have A Bless Day!

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Posted in Sickle Cell Anemia

Day 1, Living with Sickle Cell Anemia

Last week of classes and Im sick and in hospital. I have to get two unit of blood!  Yay me! Not! I came in early this morning, woke up feeling bad. So im stuck in bed literally! Thats a first for me. Oh how I hate being down and weary in my body! Im praying I be home soon so I can enjoy my few weeks off from school! Thank you all that bn praying! God Bless

Posted from WordPress for Android

Posted in God, Sickle Cell Anemia

Weary

 

My body is Weary

But I’m still holding on

To his hand (GOD)

I know I’m not alone

Even when my body is

Battling itself

How can we be at

Ends with each other

When all I want is

To be free of pain

Though my body is

Weary

I’m praying for

Better days.

11/1/11

PoeticJourney

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All I had time to do, more to come. Its working process…..